Tough times in adulting phase
During 26 years I’m alive, I have several significant tough times came in my life. I had life-threatening accident which got me staying in hospital for around three months when I was 5 years old. I had to fully shave off my hair and to go thru an intense surgery due to brain hemorrhage. After leaving hospital few days, I came back to kindergarten like any usual school days. I was okay until I was humiliated by my friends because a boy accidentally pulled off my hijab and shockingly found me as bald little girl. I can’t really recall the memory but some of my little friends kept calling me ‘bald girl’ days after. It was uneasy moment for little me until I retreated to go to school for several days.
My academic performance could be categorized in above average. There were no such very difficult moments in the schools. I was practically in safe haven. Moving to elementary school to high school to university was an okay phase with a sufficient amount of effort, I could always make it by the end.
Though it seemed such a glorious period of time in my life, a massive setback was happened when I was in the university. It was a story of failure that had changed me in almost all facets. I spent years to accept the failure, the mistakes and the story itself. The thoughts of should’ves and what-ifs haunted me if I could’ve done better. Till one early morning, I got a mail that I had wished for years. It wasn’t for wrapping up the failed story, but it was a clear sign of story that had torn apart from the beginning. That’s the fact and I had to deal with it. One sure thing about it was the scar that had been created.
Another difficult moment is the loss of my grandmother. I grew up with her by my side and she passed away while I was 7,000 kms away from her. I hugely regretted it but it was my decision to take the school in Korea at that time. It is one of the risks while you are far from home.
Aside from school, it seems I excel at work too. Before going back to graduate school, I got a job that I wanted with a bit of effort. I didn’t struggle because I got a job before my bachelor graduation. It was such a blessing back then.
Well, things went 180 degrees differently after coming back from the UK. It was tough, a really tough one because perhaps I got no major problems with my school or work before. I was stuck to find a job that I want and eventually I end up with a job that I don’t really get into. It is so confusing how I could end up here, to be honest.
I see a job as a way of self-actualization, not as a way of make a living. I consume all my energy and put my full thoughts on this. So, it does matter for me. It is a really difficult one to be passionate on things that you don’t really get into, but I know it may be a stepping stone. Feeling drained? Almost everyday. I just hope I can make it till ‘the end’.
Now I’m feeling so grateful that I had ‘downtimes’ after graduation. I learnt how to fail and I had full 5 months to contemplate about my own life, my future and my surroundings. I’ve been so busy with job now and I don’t have much time to think about anything else. So, at least those months have helped me to figure things out in my adulting phase. It may not be the final ones, but at least I got the wise senses of life. Being an adult is not only about work, make money and afford to buy stuffs, but the most importantly how to be a whole adult, mature. If I may face tough times in the future, I hope I’ll know how to manage it in myself. If the time to walk into next phase of life comes, I hope I’ll be mature enough to take a chance, make decision, accept all the risks that entail. Tough times in adulting phase is a bit different and harder, we know it.