A Conversation between Reality & Codependence
Codependency is described as an unhealthy relationship where one person allows and enables their partner’s bad habits. These bad habits could be anything from drugs, abuse, inequality in the relationship, and etc.
People view and think about codependency in different ways. Below is a conversation between reality and my codependent self. I am able to separate actual reality from this part of me, which is something new for me. It is a scary thing to write out because it’s so unbelievably dysfunctional, but I love that I am aware of this part of me and can express it. I believe this ability will bring me closer to being able to heal.
Reality: You are a piece of shit. There is really no other stretch of words that can describe you. You are emotionless. You are heartless. You are selfish.
Codependence: You are sad. You are hurt. You are insecure. I can change that. I can make you feel that you are happy, you are secure, and you are loved.
Reality: You take. You manipulate. You abuse.Your family life is rough. You struggle with intimacy.
Codependence: Let’s talk about this. Be authentic with me. I can help you.
Reality: You fuck. You don’t respect me. You tear me down.
Codependence: You don’t really know me. If you knew me, you would know that I am here to care for you. If you trust in me, I can make all that pain go away. Then you would have to value, love, and see me.
Reality: You are codependent. You need me to be pathetic like this. You are unhealthy and you know I am too. You will suck me dry. You will never let me go. You will destroy me.
Codependence: I am fine. Everything will be fine. I can’t leave. Who will love you if I do not?
Reality: You will never change. I now don’t love myself. I am lost. I am hurting. I am distracted. I am sad. I am fragile. I am sexual.You are begging. You are pleading.You are moping.You are going crazy.
Codependence: I am so happy. I am living life. I am healing. I am sooo over you.
Reality: You are lonely. You cannot control me anymore so you are distraught. You are alone. You must look yourself in the face. You must sleep alone. You must pleasure yourself. You must hate yourself and secretly blame me.
Codependency: I need to be sexual. I need to fuck the pain away. I need to feel wanted and valued. I am ugly. I am fat. I am dumb. I am not white. I am nothing. I am not marriage material. I am hated. I am annoying. I am mean. I am a bitch. I am difficult to love. I hate myself. I am all these things you told me for two and half years.
Reality: I need time to heal. I am distracted by shallow inauthentic things. I am black. I am valuable. I am sexual. I am a work in progress. I am loved and cared about. I am strong. I can push through. I am worthy. I love myself. I am free.