Friendship in Twenty-Something
When I was a teenager, I often thought that friendship is something beautiful and will last forever. I love my friends so much, the way we joke, the way we share stories, the hangout time, etc. But one day, my thought about friendship a little bit changed, what’s on my mind was: of course, it will come someday. And..here it comes. The moment when friendship is just something beautiful in your mind, without intense contact anymore.
A few days ago, my friend texted me, she felt that her close friend seemed to avoid her. She thought that she has to fix their four years friendship but when she tried to approach her friend by text message, she just ended up being ignored and it's hard for her to meet up because they live in the different city now. She's a little bit shocked with her current friendship life when some close friends seem to disappear. That kind of thing also come to me but, of course in a different way, but I do not feel surprised anymore. I know it will come someday, and..it just it is. I think maybe this is how twenty-something friendship looks like, we will not contact or meet our friend regularly like before. Not because we hate them, but everything just changed.
In our twenties, everyone is busy with their own life. Our childhood friend, oh even our college friend maybe doesn’t at the same life stage now. You know, some friends maybe too busy with their job, or have a lot of things to do in their graduate school, or preparing all the stuff for wedding, the other maybe is so happy with newlywed life, other friends maybe juggling between job and the baby, or even maybe some of them still busy finishing their undergraduate thesis. So different life phases, different mental condition, different problems, and maybe distance separate us. When it comes into communication, that different life situation can lead to misunderstanding and uncomfortableness.
I also had a time when I deeply disappointed by my friend that’s why I deliberately made a distance from them. I’ve tried to explain that I do not like to be treated like that cause it makes me sad and he/she ignoring me, sometimes I think that the one who can avoid us from hurt is only ourselves, so I decide to minimalize interaction with them. Not because I hate them, I just can’t. I just think that minimal interaction was enough. "Not all friendships are going to last forever. People are going to hurt us and we are going to hurt people who we did not mean to hurt." (I read the italic line in an article.)
I think that the one who can avoid us from hurt is only ourselves
So, that’s about friendship in my twenty-something. As we grow up, our priorities and responsibilities changed and it affected our friendships. The distance due to working or living in the different city or the schedule that doesn’t match each other makes it’s hard to meet our friends frequently. We only connect with them on social media. So I think, sometimes it is okay to keep in touch with our friends in social media like congratulate them on their happy moments, give a sincere compliment when they did something great, or showing empathy when something bad happens. Now, even I’m not too close to one friend but I try to leave nice comments in someone interesting post. For me, that’s the way to use social media well to connect people. But, when we make time to catch up with our friends or when we meet them in person, it is important for us to wholeheartedly presence. It’s also extremely okay to text or calls your besties when you suddenly miss them, asking how’re you, how’s your life. Some people maybe not so good at keeping up the conversation, especially when you both didn’t meet each other for a while, but a sincere 'how are you' will never hurt, I think.
Last, I still glad and so grateful that in my twenties I still have some friends who when we meet, we can share our life stories comfortably. They listen to each other, give feedback without judging, and become really supportive. Even we do not meet often, but I always feel relieved after our long conversation. That's why I always miss them. I also feel blessed cause God sent me a very best friend that I can always rely on :)