AND the Saviour is…
As promised I am back with the word.
It has the same three letters with a transformative power. ‘AND’ is transformative. It heals and builds relationships. It has a positive tone and it creates a reassuring and encouraging enviroment.
Let us analyze this with two different situations. Case 1: You have given your student/employee (Dev) to complete a particular assignment. When Dev comes to discuss the assignment you found that part of the assignment is of substandard quality. Case 2: One of your friend or family member (Tina) shows her new artwork in which some of the strokes/shades you did not like.
Response 1: Lets frame your responses of the above two cases using ‘BUT’. Case 1: Dev, thanks for completing the assignment in time. ‘BUT’ you see, part 3 is really of very low quality. Sorry, I thought I should give a honest feedback. Case 2: Wow! Tina, this artwork looks beautiful! I can’t believe you have made it ‘BUT’ if the shades at the bottom was a bit darker teal instead of orange it would have looked gorgeous.
Response 2: Now let us reframe your responses by replacing the ‘BUT’ with an ‘AND’. Case 1: Dev, thanks for completing the assignment in time. I really liked part 1 ‘AND’ you see, somehow part3 is missing that high quality. Sorry, I thought I should give a honest feedback. Case 2: Wow! Tina, this artwork looks beautiful! I can’t believe you have made it ‘AND’ if the shades at the bottom was a bit darker teal instead of orange it would have really looked gorgeous.
Did you notice the difference in your tone? I am sure if you put yourself in Dev’s and Tina’s shoes you would find that little changes in vocabulary and usage of the simple ‘AND’ instead of ‘BUT’ in response 2 sounds and feels more encouraging and motivating. It does not attack Dev and Tina’s pride and does not ignite the defensiveness in them. Rather they will find you encouraging and approachable. These kind of positive conversations will generate a nurturing and motivating environment.
Everyone who is mindful and pursues excellence knows that ‘we are work in progress’. As Richard Branson believes that even if an idea is “brillantly conceived” there is always room for improvement. When you use ‘AND’ you acknowledge the person, his/her effort and commitment. At the same time you show them the point of improvisation.
As Dale Carnegie says “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
So be conscious of the language you choose. Use ‘AND’ instead of ‘BUT’ and note the big positive changes in your relationships!
Remember, people matter, relationships matter for every inspiring leadership. All you want is to be ‘persuasive’ to make your team and network believe in your vision. In my next article I will tell you the innocent ‘five letter word’, which is a master negotiator. If you master that word you can persuade anyone.
References: How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie; Like a Virgin by Richard Branson and Mr Bill Liao’s coaching discussions. Image courtesy By chris 論 — own design, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2224593