The Tragedy of a Wounded Conscience

I recently had the privilege of teaching Philippians to an amazing women’s group at our church. Simultaneously, I taught Romans 14 to our life group and brought 1 Corinthians 6 and 8 in as cross reference. Studying these three passages together was magical and gave me a new perspective on some old struggles and helped me to process out my own beliefs in a new light. I pray this encourages you as much as it did me.

Something that has puzzled and grieved me over the years is to witness individuals I know and love reject Christ and/or biblical truth and choose to sin, or even reject the gospel itself. It seems sudden from the outside but rarely actually is. A Christian family finds their child has rejected Christ and/or chosen a lifestyle of willful sin; a godly couple has their marriage torn apart when one spouse is suddenly caught in an affair; a church goer is caught at their job having stolen millions of dollars from their company. I could name tragedy after tragedy, but you know the stories — you’ve probably seen it, too, whether from afar or in your own family. I’ve felt myself at risk of this slippery slope more than once. While there are many, many ways in which we as Christians can slip into willful sin, I want to delve into one particular issue and that is the tragedy of a “wounded conscience.”

I used to think it was a pendulum swing. Somehow we had to find the proper balance between legalism (lots of “Christian” rules) and licentiousness (rampant sin) and there, delicately in the center, was grace. I guess I thought that somehow the perfect Christian heart and life would have some rules, but not too many; some boundaries, but not too much. While legalism and licentiousness may be a pendulum in and of themselves, grace is nowhere on that apparatus. For, by Christ, grace says, “you can never do enough to earn my grace and love and you can never do too much to escape it.” Grace, my friends, is a category in and of itself.

Whether you struggle with a conscience that defaults to self-righteous thinking or a conscience that has been numbed by repeated sin, today I prayerfully offer a path to find grace.

It {almost} always starts from the best of motives. The Rules. Girls, those shorts must be no more than x inches above the knees. Guys and girls, don’t touch each other. Educate your children in ____ fashion. Guys’ hair should be no longer than xx inches and girls’ hair no shorter than xx inches. If you aren’t doing xx minutes of Bible study and prayer per day you need to reexamine your life. True love waits. You get the point. Should it not be a red flag to us that each of us seems to have our own gold standard of how to love God and earn His favor?

Rules can be really helpful. We have a little boy and a little girl. There will be rules in our home, boundaries set forth to protect our children and ourselves. Rules can be good when used well.

When adulthood comes, and periodically throughout our adult life, we all question what we know and believe. Instead of sifting through for truth, it is easy to do one of two things with these rules in our hearts: either we dump it all and abandon ship in one or more areas of the faith or we dig in our heels to “please Jesus” and become even more legalistic as the days go, never stopping to question our self-righteous beliefs and injuring other believers and even non-believers in the process. Neither approach works well.

“And so, by sinning against the brethren and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ.” 1 Corinthians 8:12

“Wounding their conscience.” What does this phrase mean? This phrase is right there in 1 Corinthians with the well known phrases, “all things are lawful for me but not all things are profitable,” “all things are lawful for me but I will not be mastered by anything,” “all things are lawful for me but not all things edify.”

A few years ago I did a study (I think it was Beth Moore) about the Holy Spirit. What I remember so well was this teacher discussing how the Holy Spirit works in our hearts and “speaks” in our lives. She talked about how as young children we have a conscience. Our parents {hopefully} help to shape and mold this conscience towards honesty, love, and truth. Even a child who is not a Christian feels that prick of conscience. God uses our conscience prick to lead us to understand our need for Jesus.

When we are saved, we immediately have the Holy Spirit in our hearts. We begin to study God’s word and the truth of scripture begins to fill our hearts and minds. We learn more about God and truth and gradually the Holy Spirit and God’s word fills more and more of that conscience. When we sin, the Holy Spirit brings a scripture or truth to mind to convict us. Gradually, as we allow God’s word to fill us and the Holy Spirit to do His work, the voice of the Holy Spirit and the voice of our conscience work in unity and the Holy Spirit uses that conscience to convict us of sin and help us find direction for life.

As we get older, we begin to realize our parents, church leaders, friends, and mentors may or may not have actually had all the answers to life or maybe we misunderstood some key things taught to us. Pieces to our conscience start to be questioned, some very rightfully so. What should happen is that we allow the Holy Spirit to mold and shape those rough spots into truth, but sometimes we don’t.

So, maybe I lived my growing up years thinking that shorts shorter than 3 inches above the knee are “wrong” and then I read the Bible from cover to cover and realize that this measurement is never mentioned, and actually that shorts are never mentioned in the entire Bible! What do I do with this information? Maybe I have believed certain verses in the Bible mean certain things but then I grow up, read them in context, and realize what I was told is somewhat or completely out of context for the passage. How do I process this? Maybe I realized I swallowed some rules that are actually unbiblical! I have had friends tell me their parents told them it was BEST for a guy and girl to live together before marriage to “see if they are compatible” and then they looked in scripture and realized this was totally not what the Bible says. Maybe some things I thought were best or better are neutral at best. Maybe pieces to rules are good and sound but other parts and pieces are not.

When we begin to question our beliefs we have a few different paths we can take. We can dig in our heels and just believe what we have always believed, right or wrong. I think it is fairly easy to see how this could negatively work out, though… If what I grew up thinking was OK is actually a sin, by digging in I’m just choosing to live a life of sin. If what I grew up thinking was required is not, then digging in my heels greatly puts me at risk of legalism and self-righteousness.

The other simple conclusion in this situation is for me to abandon the “teaching” altogether. And here is where we risk that injured conscience I introduced earlier. OK, so, going back to my shorts example, let’s say that I always was told my shorts should be a certain length. Buried deep (sometimes very very deep) in this rule there is a truth: God’s word encourages modesty and, related to that, purity.

So, here I am. My conscience has been shaped to believe that modesty and purity = long shorts. I try on something different and I feel this prick in my self because I don’t know if this is OK! Maybe a well meaning friend says “that’s a stupid rule” and encourages me to wear something different. Whatever the case, I must be very careful with how I process out my next action. If I read the Bible and realize that the measurement “3 inches above the knee” is nowhere to be found and I go grab some clothes and wear them defiantly, I risk injuring my conscience, for it is not just “shorts” that are affected here, it is that, within my conscience, they represent modesty and purity. Wearing the shorts does not place me at some strange increase of perverse sin but the defiance in my spirit about the rule has hushed my conscience, and, secondarily, the Holy Spirit, about convicting me about other issues related to modesty and purity. Later, some guy really likes me in these outfits and Satan has found his trap door into my heart through this injured space in my conscience.

Over time, Satan can use these injuries and doors in our conscience to help us silence the Holy Spirit about issues of non-negotiable sins, in this case, our purity. Eventually, we look up and realize all these little doors we allowed him to open have been sabotaged with lies and we have fallen headlong into sin.

So what are we to do? How can we faithfully divide truth while sorting out what we have been told about God, ourselves, others, and the Bible? Here are some steps I have taken that I hope will help you:

1. Gospel First — Do you understand and believe the gospel? Have you made a personal life commitment to Jesus or have you just followed along with what your parents, friends, or youth group leader/pastor wanted? Have you looked to your rules and rituals to bring salvation or do you only look to Jesus Christ for salvation? Do you think your good works are “proof” you are saved or that life outcomes “prove” you are “good with God?”
   Before you move forward, deal with this issue of salvation. Know you are saved. If you have doubts, speak with a pastor or solid Christian friend. Satan loves to make us doubt so do not let pride stand in your way of making sure you know that you know you are a Christian.
2. Hold Fast to Non-Negotiables — There are certain truths that are clear in the Bible. The gospel is a free gift. God loves us. Jesus died for our sins. Everyone who believes in Jesus should strive to live an honest and truthful life out of love for Him and others. We should not murder. Adultery and sex outside of marriage are a sin. Jesus brought the above rules even further into the law of love — we are to love one another as Jesus loved us.
   Nearly every denomination of Christianity agrees on these essential rules. I want to be very clear that, when I talk about working through the rules of our past, whether or not we should lie or murder are rules we should all agree on. Search out scripture and let essential pieces of the gospel and truth be the foremost voice to your conscience.
3. Slow Down and Let the Spirit Work — As you process your beliefs, SLOW DOWN. Let the Spirit do His work in your heart. Let Him reshape your conscience and define your identity as a person (it is amazing how much these rules shape our identity). Study God’s word, read, pray daily for wisdom. Be very careful about making fast and furious decisions or changes. I recently compared this processing of truth to be like a box of rocks. As you work through false beliefs or falsely applied truths you may find there are some gems/truths in there but it takes sorting and polishing to find the precious stones of truth from God’s word buried inside. Be OK with this being an ongoing process. Understand that, like Paul’s examples to the Philippians, Romans, and Corinthians, other Christians may have a peace to move forward on things you still have questions about. Acknowledging you are the weaker brother needing to process your restrictions first is OK, but do move in action and process through them.
4. Work Through the Rules — Invite someone strong in faith and doctrine to help you -this is so important. Write out what you believe and examine your beliefs by scripture. Pray Pray and Pray some more as you work through to find truth. Throw out the chaff and do not let condemnation stay behind. This takes time. Every time I think I’ve processed out what I believe it is like something else pops up I didn’t even know I thought. Open your heart to God’s truth alone. Pray for God to protect your conscience as you get rid of things that do not bring glory to Him.
5. Move Forward in Freedom and Obedience — There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1–2). Do not replace the sin of legalism with the sin of constant condemnation or the sin of licentiousness as you find freedom. If you find you have lived in sin, repent and turn. Stand on the truth of non-negotiables and embrace the freedom you have in Christ. LOVE one another fully to drive your decisions on all that negotiable stuff.

If you read this and find you already have a wounded conscience, know that God is the divine healer. A wounded conscience is a wound and wounds can be healed. Seek godly counsel and accountability, focus on His word, and pray for that healing.

I hope this helps you. If you identify with what I have shared, please let me know as it would be so encouraging to know I am not alone. God will be faithful to show us truth and provide wisdom. Seek Him first and the rest will be added to you as well.

With love,
Ellen