Dear Yaamyn,

Nashwa Saeed
Jul 27, 2017 · 2 min read

It has been 95 days.

95 days of sorrow.

95 days of injustice.

95 days without you.

I am going through our conversations and a few minutes ago, I was not sure whether I wanted to cry or laugh. So here I am, crying and laughing. I know you probably would tell me to stop crying because it is silly. But I simply cannot help it. I miss you, and I miss our endless conversations. I miss how I could talk to you about anything and everything. I miss how I was myself with you, and I knew you would tell me straight out if I was being an idiot. Yes, I miss that too.

I want to tell you that you would be proud of me today. I am doing so much better and I am trying to do so much more. You would be proud of how I have handled the things that life threw my way in the past few months in your absence. You would be proud of how “assertive” I have become in my ways. I wish you were here to tell me that. I wish I could have been that person when you were here.

I see constant reminders of you everywhere. It breaks my heart every time I see your family and friends write about you, or tweet about you. It breaks my heart every time someone talks to me about you. But sometimes, it makes me smile because you were one of the best people I ever had the pleasure of knowing.

I wish you were here.