Self Loathing Carnival

(dialing…..)
(dialing…..)
(dialing…..)
(no answer)

“I need someone to talk

desperately”
(dialing….)
(dialing….)
(busy line)
(dialing….)
(line gets in)

“Dear someone over there. I feel it. I feel it again the knife’s slicing my heart very carefully. I’m sitting here, tied to the chair watch it happens once again. I watch the world goes around; everybody’s playing their part, without me. I scream loudly, but the world’s having the extravagant parade; too loud to hear me.
Dear someone over there, the blood starts coming through my shirt. The pain is running through my veins up to my nerves. My brain is too naive to recognize the pain. I can feel the rope starts ripping my skin. I’m helplessly watching the world giving its best performance torturing me.
Dear someone over there, I don’t want to drop any tears. Maybe I could smile and enjoy the bizarreness of the parade as the knife’s slicing my heart. What do you think? The air weakens my vision. I cannot see, it all blurred. Dust comes into my eyes. Shut. I only could hear. Wait! I feel something from my toe..up..up..up to my wounds, up to my brain. What is that? Oohh I feel it again! It’s numbness. I feel numb.
Dear someone over there, I have to hang up the phone, my mouth can no longer speak. I’m numb” (phone hung up)

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