How I was found by Mr. Chocolate!

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I have always pleaded with women to stop viewing their single life as a punishment period. A period to drink wine, turn alcoholic and gobble enough ice cream to gain weight.

To view and treat loneliness as if it made you start bleeding through all your orifices and died from Ebola in three days. After you spread it to other people.

Loneliness will never kill anyone. You need to love spending time with yourself.

People who are so scared of being by themselves frankly drain me and will never be happy.

No one on earth is put here to make you OK with the person you look at in the mirror every day.

I think being lonely is a symptom of extreme boredom. Open a YouTube channel or watch Lisa Nichols’ videos and learn something new.

I have repeatedly said it is preparation period. If you have not met this person, God is saying it is not time. If you force it you will get divorced. Stop blaming God for delaying the entrance of this man meanwhile God is waiting on you to work on your junk.

Everything works together for those who love the Lord. There were relations that did not work. They were not meant to work. Stop forcing things to fit.

So there are women who look at me with sympathy, who really put themselves out there…like have 20 dates a week, have their makeup on fleek, hair, have invested in butt implants and so on to try and attract a man.

Like women make such an effort. And in all this I was the stupid one.

I have been celibate for a year after God stopped the last relationship with a man I had (if we can even call it that).

Basically God said, ”Girl, you are giving the gift I gave you, to someone who does not deserve you. And is not going to marry you.”

I stopped seeing this guy. And since then I have not seen anyone, declined all advances, not tried any form of dating, nothing. People have made fun of me; they thought their level of sexual activity made them better than me. Girl, please.

So I continued writing and living in the delusional planet I usually reside in. Me and God, my buddy. Not practicing my twerking skills. I have none.

So I start this year with plans to continue writing on the blog, finish writing my first book, open a Swedish business you know. Continue my love affair with God.

Then on January 15th I met this man. Do you know I totally had not anticipated this?

Yesterday he was on Kenyan TV. The other week on radio.

He calls and is like, “Babe I got a job as a political advisor for some party in Kenya.” We have presidential elections in Kenya this year. He has political ambitions.

The man was interested in me from day one BECAUSE OF WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING.

My writing has made some strides in Kenya and dude was like, “OMG, I can’t believe you are giving me audience.”

He was acting like I was doing him the biggest favor in the world just talking to him. He says he is the luckiest man like all the time.

We have not even met. As in he has not checked out my small but round butt. It is not about that. He is planning to come to Sweden so we can finally meet.

He totally acts like he is trying to close a deal. I am the deal. He wants no one near me. When I try to break up with him as I have done multiple times, he goes into crisis resolution mode. The gift wants to escape. I am the gift women, me.

Did I not say when you figure out your destiny and start working towards it, this will bring the man?

We discuss our projects like all the time.

“Babe I need a new website done for this business idea I have.”

He’s like, “I am launching a website for NGO’S I work with that will launch on the 3rd of March.”

Then I go, “Who is doing your website? This guy I found in Kenya was quoting me USD 2000.

And he goes, “Use my guy babe, he is USD 500. And let me pay for it from here.”

So your dream is to marry a rich man and be a trophy side chic; forget wife.

Do you know what it takes to keep him mentally stimulated? Do you know this man will be ultra busy and you also have to be busy with your projects?

Oh yeah. You have no projects. You think being able to give good bl**j****and twerking are the life skills a George Clooney wants. Have you learnt nothing from Amal?

You feel sorry for yourself and picture how Mr. Dream Man will come and take all your pain away.

Wrong. It won’t happen.

When he knew I was celibate for a year he remarked, “Babe, you are self-disciplined.” I made him start eating healthy and join a gym. I did not ask him to, he said he needs to keep up with me.

He is also a writer. “Babe,” he says,”My writing has changed since I met you.”

So what do you do again? Nothing, no gym, you just drink a lot and whore yourself around. You don’t have any standards; as long as a man can breathe he is worthy of all of you. Body and soul.

I don’t know if we will end up together finally but as my wise friend Fiona said, even if a relationship does not work, at least he has given you material for your blog. And I know I am now attracting men on a completely different caliber. Who knew my writing was Tinder? LOL.

If it does work out and we get married, don’t wonder why my wedding is on Kenyan TV. Don’t be mad that you aren’t married while you iron and starch all your boos’ 100 shirts. Meanwhile boo is not planning to wife you.


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