Year 3
Two years ago today was the worst day of my life. I wrestled with the unknown. After a long day in Holyoke, I was working on my basement floor and collapsed, I pulled myself up two flights of stairs and collapsed again, I spent the rest of the evening in two ambulances and two emergency rooms, wondering if I would live or the night see my kids again, once stabilized, I wondered if I would ever walk again or use my left arm. You’ve all heard the story, but it’s here https://medium.com/@nyalfuentes in every gory detail. It was terrifying. So now I treat this day like a second birthday or anniversary. Take the day off, think, try to figure stuff out or maybe just relax. OK, maybe do some laundry, watch a movie and ice these damn knees. Cmon knees one week til this bike ride.
Reflecting I’m not sure if this day makes me happy or just really anxious and depressed.
I never really understood people who had anxiety, I never really took it seriously even though many close to me suffered from it, depression, yeah, had some bouts with feeling down. But not like this, not like the world has collapsed upon me. I’m sorry I didn’t take you more seriously. This shit is crazy.
The existentialist and hopeful person in me wants to celebrate this day, although a tremendous part of my mind, body and spirit perished that day. There are things I absolutely physically can’t do, 10 hours of yard work in the heat, balance on certain things, I’m always tired. But, I lived to live again. Although recovery is not linear or constant, milestones such as being able to wipe my own butt, getting out of a wheelchair, shower and pee standing up, walking with and without a cane, driving, all they way to a pretty normal life are pretty amazing all things considered. I should celebrate, not just my own survival, but everyone who helped me in that survival. Friends, family, doctors, nurses, therapists, colleagues and everyone who has stood beside me in this journey.
Ultimately I suppose it’s my choice, I can live in fear and trepidation or I can just “soldier” on, I imagine in most places that I’m not around people I know, they may have no idea that a relatively young, healthy man wrestled with this demon, but it’s with me all the time.
So blah, blah, blah and most importantly if you have a chance, drop a couple bucks or even ride with us at https://www.crowdrise.com/o/en/campaign/worstpeloton2018 to help support those who need to rehabilitate.
