I can’t remember the exact day I had my first dissociative episode, but I remember the feeling. Pure panic, realizing that I was not in control of my body but a mere viewer.
Everything around me felt unreal, people and objects. I didn’t understand what was going on and I felt crazy (for lack of better terms). My thoughts was a trap of anxiety that I couldn’t escape. Nothing made sense. I felt less than nothing, I was loosing my identity, and I thought nothing would be right again.
So what did I do? Yes, I ran to Google in hopes that this was common. That there was a solution, some magic concoction that would snap me back into reality. Of course there isn’t, but I did learn more about what I was experiencing. Dissociation, with heavy depersonalization and derealization. I looked more into it and was relieved to know that it’s ok. It happens at least once to every person. That wasn’t my case though, one episode turned into another and another and I realized I may actually have a dissociative disorder. (I have not been diagnosed by a therapist)
So my Google searches turned into how can I cope with frequent dissociation. episodes. There are 100’s of sites but I found a few that I’ll be listing at the end that really taught me some good techniques that I have been able to use in my day to day life.
Now I DO NOT recommend typing symptoms into Google because at the end of the day, it’s still the internet and there is a lot of false information floating around. But for me thankfully it helped provide some clarification and made me feel less in control.
Sites & Techniques
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders/self-care/
https://www.beautyafterbruises.org/blog/grounding101
My Mantra I use during Dissociation or Panic Attacks
I’m living in the moment, healing and loving myself. No matter what my mind says, I am HAPPY, I am LOVED, I am REAL.
Repeating this helps ground me and reminds me that this is not forever.
Also talking out my experience with a close friend during or after the episode helps.
Playing video games to keep my mind occupied.
I have a list in my phone with information about myself and what I accomplished in life to remind me of myself, when I feel like I can’t remember or connect with my identity.
If you ever feel like this, you are not alone. You will get through it, you will be happy.
#mentalhealth
