Have you ever heard one of those country music songs where the singer mourns his fate? Usually, it’s like his wife ran off with someone else, took his pickup truck and dog, and then his favorite wheelbarrow broke, and a drought swept away his corn, and and and…
… You get the idea.
Well, things like that can happen in real life, albeit in a slightly less twitchy scenario. Many people will one day hit rock bottom. A place where literally everything in their lives goes wrong at once. Where they pile up by the side of the road, either metaphorically or literally. Should you find yourself in such a heap, there are some ways to get your life back on track.
Accept the hell out of the situation
Western culture has convinced many people that we should always be positive, no matter the situation.
This can actually do a lot more harm than good. It forces people to adopt a false front of positivity instead of being authentic about the fact that everything has gone to hell, but they are working to make it better. That doesn’t mean we should just lie there in that ditch lamenting our fate. It means taking the opportunity to be present about the situation so that we can better understand it, and the next steps forward.
It is only by being honest with ourselves about where we are right now and considering all the factors that have brought us there, that we will be able to improve our situation.
In her book When Things Fall Apart, the famous Tibetan Buddhist nun and teacher Pema Chödrön says:
“Instead of letting our negativity take over, we could recognize that we feel like a piece of shit right now and aren’t squeamish when we look at it closely.”
Being real and open and authentic about how we feel in any given situation is incredibly liberating.
We don’t have to pretend that we feel something different than we do. If we are honest with ourselves, we can also be honest with others.
Triage to determine what can and should be tackled first
In the grand plan of “my life has gone to hell,” there are always degrees of urgency to prioritize.
For example, if your house burned down the same day you lost your job, prioritize what’s more important to you: being housed or working.
Most people would prioritize housing over a job, so that would be the first thing to look out for.
Housing and nutrition are two of the most important things you need to take care of. If that has already been taken care of, you can shift your focus to the next point, which is…
Take responsibility for your life and how you got where you are
It is rare for things to happen to us without us contributing to the situation or being involved in it in any way.
Has your relationship fallen apart? Now is the time to be honest with yourself about all the factors that led to it.
Were you fired from work? Okay, why? If you really don’t know, ask your (now previous) employers what led to your being let go.
Make a list of everything you think has thrown you in at the deep end. Then take the time to be very self-conscious about the factors that led to each misery.
If your relationship finally ended because you were sabotaging, because you weren’t “present”, or because your partner/spouse cheated on you, you should take a moment to really figure out why all that happened.
Were you with this person out of a sense of obligation, rather than a genuine desire to have a loving, equal relationship with him or her?
If you had lost the attraction to them and withdrawn from any intimacy, pushing them towards someone else?
If you were fired from your job, was it because you hated it and were therefore careless in your work?
Have you often called in sick? Were you passive-aggressive toward others in the workplace?
Have you lost all your savings because you went shopping?
Determine why you felt you had to buy all that “stuff.” What internal chasm were you trying to fill with material possessions?
Whatever happened, please be compassionate with yourself. We all make mistakes from time to time, but that’s how we learn and grow.
In fact, determining the factors that contribute to our not-so-great actions is valuable, as it allows us to make major changes in our lives.
What skills do you have that you want to use on a daily basis?
It’s incredibly important to figure out what makes you unhappy and what would make you happy instead.
There are people who have left high paying jobs to work in non-profit organizations or nature reserves because those are the situations their hearts have longed for.
Likewise, there are people who have spent most of their lives in long-term relationships but were delighted to be single for a while.
This is your chance to rewrite your life script and choose a direction you’ve always wanted to take.
Make a list of your priorities and a solid roadmap on how to achieve them. Then follow this plan to find your bliss.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to others
Remember there is no shame in asking others for help when you need it.
You’re probably one of the first willing to lend a hand when someone you care about is struggling. No doubt others feel the same way for you in return.
No one is an island unto itself and there are communities to support each other.
Whether it’s your family, your close friends, your spiritual community, or your cultural center, chances are they’re willing to lend a hand to get your life back on track.
Be honest with them about what’s going on and where you want to go.
Make it clear what you’re aiming for instead of walking around in the mud, and you might be surprised at how they’ll come forward to make that happen for you.
When you give people the opportunity to be great, they are often much more impressive than you might expect.
Still not sure how to get your life back on track? Talk to a life coach today who can walk you through the process. Click here to connect.
