Me My Privilege and I

Note: I have been wanting to write this for a long time. I hesitated because I’m not sure the world needs to hear more from white people on systematic racism, what we need is to listen to the voices coming from people of colour.

So would I would feel it brewing but I wouldn’t write it …and then there would be another horrific death and I would think I should write that piece, and then I wouldn’t and this pattern would repeat again and again.

But I can no longer be quiet, I write now because I have realized that sadly white folks tend to listen to white folks.

I will use my privilege (hopefully for good), and if this post reaches even one person of privilege and sparks an internal investigation and openness to do better, then it will be worth it.

I remember the first time someone referred to my white privilege and the instant shock and defensiveness it brought up in me.

‘Privilege!’ I thought to myself, anyone who knew me would know my life had been anything but privileged!

I was raised by a single mother who was a complex trauma survivor, and addict. Our household growing up had abuse, neglect and instability. We didn’t have money and moved a lot because my mom couldn’t pay the rent. I left home at 14 and started fending for myself and have been since. So for me to see myself as ‘privileged’ felt like a stretch.

But you see, I did what most white people do with that statement, you see I skipped right over the ‘white’ part of in white privilege.

Once I realized this, I started to let down my defences a little and listen, I started to see my experience of day to day life was very different than the experiences of my friends of colour.

I became more humble, and quiet. I tried to listen with an open heart and an open mind to my friends whose experiences were so different from mine.

When I felt defensiveness creeping in I stopped, witnessed it and questioned it so the defensiveness would soften.

Then defensiveness was replaced with deep sadness and white guilt. After all, I thought, I wasn’t directly responsible for this, I was born into it. I hated systemic racism. I wanted all my friends to have the same rights and freedoms that I do.

But they don’t.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

I understand how uncomfortable it can be as white folks to acknowledge our privilege. But as much we want all things to be equal they aren’t.

I had to ask myself, are you able to sit with your discomfort on this issue and see what fruit it bears?

I now know white privilege has nothing to do with how much money you were raised with, but instead the advantages that have come with having white skin.

Because I am white, I have had the privilege of not being discriminated against because of the colour of my skin.

I have had the privilege of seeing people who look like me in ads and TV shows.

I have had the privilege of not feeling unsafe because of the colour of my skin.

I have never been called hateful words or threatened with violence because of the colour of my skin.

This unauthored list has been going around Facebook and it spells out the issue crystal clear.

“ I can go birding (#ChristianCooper)

I can go jogging (#AmaudArbery)

I can relax in the comfort of my own home (#BothemSean and #AtatianaJefferson)

I can ask for help after being in a car crash (#JonathanFerrell and #RenishaMcBride)

I can have a cellphone (#StephonClark)

I can leave a party to get to safety (#JordanEdwards)

I can play loud music (#JordanDavis)

I can sell CDs (#AltonSterling)

I can sleep (#AiyanaJones)

I can walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown)

I can play cops and robbers (#TamirRice)

I can go to church (#Charleston9)

I can walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin)

I can hold a hairbrush while leaving my own bachelor party (#SeanBell)

I can party on New Years (#OscarGrant)

I can get a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland)

I can lawfully carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastile)

I can break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones)

I can shop at Walmart (#JohnCrawford)

I can have a disabled vehicle (#TerrenceCrutcher)

I can read a book in my own car (#KeithScott)

I can be a 10yr old walking with our grandfather (#CliffordGlover)

I can decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese)

I can ask a cop a question (#RandyEvans)

I can cash a cheque in peace (#YvonneSmallwood)

I can take out my wallet (#AmadouDiallo)

I can run (#WalterScott)

I can breathe (#EricGarner)

I can live (#FreddieGray)

I CAN BE ARRESTED WITHOUT THE FEAR OF BEING MURDERED (#GeorgeFloyd)

White privilege is real. Take a minute to consider a Black person’s experience today.”

People of colour do not have these privileges that I have taken for granted.

If this post has sparked something in you please educate yourself.

I’m currently learning from: Rachel Rogers and Ijeoma Oluo

Instead of Virtue Signaling, become a Real Ally.

Listen Deeply to your friends of colour about their experiences, be willing to have the tough conversations, allow the discomfort, the sadness to exist, don’t push it away and allow yourself to get defensive.

Check out https://guidetoallyship.com to learn more.

Take ‘you’ out of the equation; it’s not about you.

We white folks need to step up and support the voices, rights and businesses of people of colour.

We need to call out ourselves and white friends when they are being racist.

We need to ask our friends of color “how can I help’ and then do it!

When they are exhausted from trying to educate white folks once again, then we can educate white folks.

When they are scared and angry we can put our hearts and our bodies on the line to help.

If this post makes you uncomfortable then good, discomfort is the beginning of growth.

We can do so much better.

I will do better!