
It’s Not Your Fault If They Found Their Heart Already
And life will let your heart break, break, break, then bond stronger…
I was listening to Bon Iver when suddenly my mixtape played Moving On by Kodaline. And I was in such bizzare moments for awhile. It’s not only about the lyrics, but also the song itself.
July 2017 marked as “wedding-month-of-Nyo’s-exes-and-bestfriend” Not one, but three at the same time. And it happened within a week. When they delivered the good news, all I felt was happiness. A sincere happiness. Until, my feet reached home and I thought I was that unlucky.
“I’m the one who really wanted to get married first”
“I’m the one who’s keeping them before they found their half”
“I’m tired of letting go someone”
“I’m tired to stay conciously happy, and blow them smiles while my heart shattered into pieces”
And I’m asking myself the same question right now:
Am I getting tired to be in love?
No. Of course I’m not tired to be in love. It might be the process through it all. The process of waiting, hoping, giving a whole lot of myself, breaking up, letting go, and starting from the scratch. Maybe I’m tired of all those cycle.
The day they were getting married, I skipped my social media life for awhile. Yes, I’m happy for them. But, I think I need to found my own happiness too. One side of my head told me: “you’re always being the one who left behind. When everyone finally found their own happiness, you are abandoned. No one reached out for you”
and I tried to listen another side of me:
“you have an ability to love someone that much and sincere even (some of them) take it for granted”
Yeah…
That wasn’t my fault if they found their half already. I supposed to be grateful, because I could be one of connection, part of his story to found his true happiness through times.
The one who still learn,
Nyo
