Thank Yourself for Surviving A Day

Nyo
Nyo
Aug 9, 2017 · 3 min read

We tend to forget an essential thing in life: feel blessed for surviving a day; good or bad.

As someone who lives in a big capital city, I struggle myself to get up every day and beat the world, face the society, run errands, then pay the bills. It’s not as easy as its sounds. Living in an urban city, especially middle up surroundings sometimes could drain my energy. Physically exhausted by endless traffic and mentally ill from keeping my mind sane.

One day I feel like I could conquer the world, and the other day I feel nothing but sleepy fat-ass. The city which is so dynamic, feels like a rapid black hole in a way to loops you from dimension to dimension. It’s leaving you confused due to time and place. It’s Interstellar in a bad way (don’t blame Nolan for this absurd analogy).

Last night, when a series of my anxiety attacks suddenly, I lost myself. I left alone at work with uphill dishwasher piles, messy bar, uncleaned coffee grounds, chatter from my work colleague, stupid motorbike taxi, and an urge to meet someone that night. I felt like someone pushed over my back with flattening iron wall. I tried to take a deep breath few times, and it was no longer help me. When the series of anxiety haunted me, I could go manic and take the blame for everything. And I could make sure, it’s not the version of me you want to know, not even a second. When I finally reached my bed, I cried in silence. I was gazing up the ceiling and asked myself: “how could such a good day turned into hell?”

Oh, and I’m also texting some of my friends. Just to let my emotion go. I don’t know what’s better: to away from the phone or to let my friends know what I feel recently.

As I took some spaces to relax, I fell asleep. I slept in exhausted state but I woke up feeling a bit okay.

I woke up feeling fine. I woke up feeling better. I woke up with high sanity level, high endorphins too. All the devastation, anger, frustration were gone during hours I spent for sleep. Then, I feel sorry for being such an asshole last night, especially people who received tons of message in due my manic period.

As I’m on my way to work this morning, I realized one thing.

I rarely thank myself to be grateful for already survived, even just a day.

The idea of getting out of this boredom life, usually fire up when I hit the rock bottom. Despite my easy going persona, few people found out that I could be as fragile as dry leaves. But still, I rise. I still found myself breath the air, walk down the pavements, talk with people, and laugh. And, I realized that’s the beautiful part of being depressed, as a human being. We still hope to find other days to laugh, reach out our deepest emotion at its finest.

This being my self-prescription to be happy. I shall learn to thank myself to be able to survive a day: good or bad.

Sincerely,

Nyo.

Nyo

Written by

Nyo

Brewer for MAU Kopi & Minuman. Child Education Practitioner | Karya Sekolah Indonesia

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