A journey of acceptance

This particular word has been a long-time foe of mine: womanhood. It seemed that I was never feminine enough, that my behavior contradicted the very essence of what it means to be a woman. I felt so annoyed and frustrated by my inability to abide by its rules and definitions. Because this is what femininity was for me: yet another thing that I failed at.

I remember quite well the day I got my period. It was a Sunday. It was snowing beautifully outside and the entire room was illuminated by this magic, soft light. I spend all of that…

Opening up to appreciate what’s inside.

Photo by Katsia Jazwinska on Unsplash

As we’re about to wrap up the Skype call, L. asks me something unexpected: So, what do you think you learned so far? It took me a tiny second to realize she wasn’t talking about today’s session, she was talking about all the things I’ve learned since we started our collaboration a year ago. I cannot believe it’s already been a year of us meeting weekly. When did the time pass?

Naturally, it took a calamity for me to start therapy. My 7-year relationship had ended abruptly and I wanted things to go back to “normal” as soon as possible…

A coming of age story about leg hair

Today, my boyfriend and I are supposed to go visit his parents. His mom is a very observant woman so whenever we visit, I have to be on point. No detail goes unnoticed: “you gained a few pounds”, “you always wear black”, “you should wear heels more often”, “cute nail polish” and so on.

I wake up early. The first order of business: shaving my legs. I prep the bathroom, get my towels, get a new razor, and wait for the hot water to reach its optimum temperature. While I’m sitting on the toilet thinking of what to wear I…

Home is such a vast concept. From ancient times homes have had a special symbolism associated with them and an almost mystical governance over their inhabitants. So it’s no surprise that the homes we spent our life in, become vessels for our energies.

As more and more people choose to return to their home towns during these challenging times, the ancestral home becomes a safe haven against everything that is happening on the outside.

My hometown

I used to visit my hometown a lot more often in the past. But since my life is mostly rooted in Bucharest now, I only go visit a couple of times a year. Each time I visit I am overwhelmed by all the memories I’ve lived there. It’s funny how I can only associate the place with a happy past and maybe some embarrassing childhood memories. But recently, there’s…

Music festivals are all the hype lately. There’s an entire culture around festival-going and posting on social media about it so chances are you will go to a festival in the near future.

Photo by Anthony DELANOIX on Unsplash

By now everyone in my group of friends voted me the least likely person to go to a music festival. This is partly because of my fear of crowds, strangers, getting lost or separated my group, fear of being roofied, of being hurt, and of not being in control of a situation in general. But I did have going to a festival on my bucket list for a while and figured that if I don’t do this in my late twenties, chances are I’ll never do it. So the time was definitely right.

So, for my first festival experience, I…

The people in our life are the bricks that line up the wall of our soul. They can help protect our essence or be the weak link that leads to our downfall.

Find me on KnowledgeBottle alongside Dumitriu Robert. You too can become a contributor by submitting your thoughts here.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

People are social animals. While evolution may have helped us become more self-sufficient in the meantime, we are still highly dependent on the social context and on those around us. The complexities of the relationships we develop are vast and sometimes beyond our understanding. And the reason why we are so dependent on others is best summarized by Dr. Jordan B. Peterson:

You outsource most of your sanity.

Therefore, you need people around you. Despite my advocacy for self-sufficiency and spiritual/intellectual independence…

The tags we wear throughout our life dictate the outcomes of our actions. We are defined by instances and situations that we have little to no control over. The only balanced choice we can make is to let it flow and shut down the futile attempts to understand reality our reason undertakes.

I remember reading about Schrödinger’s cat a while ago when I was still in high school. Of course, I kept seeing it on the Internet and social media, as a meme or cautionary tale about the cat taking its destiny in its own paws. But as I grow older and wiser, a.k.a. more alone, I feel this paradox applies more and more to my own existence and in particular, to the way my relationships with other people unfold.

Similar to the tale of the cat who is both alive and dead until the moment the scientist opens the box, the…

Shutting down your mind might help sometimes. But you will end up forgetting who you really are.

There are days when burying yourself in mindless activities just won’t do it. Routines, TV, phone and the rest are just not enough to bring you to the surface of your soul. You know what it feels like, you recognize it immediately as a heavier day, it starts by you not being able to breathe, a hollow feeling in your chest. A tingling panic at the end of your fingertips. Fight or flight reflexes.

What to do? You can reach out to your therapist, you can reach out to your family or friends. And it will go away for a…

Breakups are trauma. Simple as that. And the worse thing about them is that they leave you vulnerable and afraid. But as long as you put yourself first, you can get over anyone.

It feels good to be selfish. But it somehow feels wrong, too. My friends say I’m overthinking things, but sure enough, there are so many things inside my head that clash against each other and against the walls of my soul that I find it difficult to breathe sometimes. And when something external occurs to disrupt every inch of your being, you need to stay grounded.

Dealing with a breakup It’s such a crushing operation for anyone, but for me in particular, it was devastating. I had reached a point where it was no longer about losing the person I…

Finding meaning in everyday life, stepping away from darkness and into the present. What defines and ultimately saves us.

Find me on KnowledgeBottle alongside Dumitriu Robert. You too can become a contributor by submitting your thoughts here.

Following the publication of my Dealing with Depression series, I surprisingly received a lot of messages from friends, coworkers and even some distant family members. I am happy to see my writings are sparking a conversation and while I’m feeling a bit vulnerable, the entire process gave me confidence and it makes me proud to know that I contributed to helping others better understand how depression manifests itself.

One particular message got my attention. I will not disclose the full message since…

Oana Carvatchi

| positivity hater | depression bearer | people manager |

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