Much of my Muchness

Oan De Waal
Aug 22, 2017 · 4 min read

I wanted to pick up my copy of Altas Shrugged with the readiness to endure the words on each page until I finished it. I like reading it, but yet something in me stopped me from doing so. I am a firm believer of taking a lean approach to finishing tasks by focusing your time and energy on only one at a time. In doing so, it would help me get it done quicker and more efficiently. That would be a head decision, and reading is not supposed to be a “task”, it’s supposed to be fun! So what does my heart say? Start off with a new book, put that one on hold until further notice. So which book to start off with? Another heart decision jumped in — “The New Rules to Sex, Love and Dating” by Andy Stanley.

Jacques recommended the book initially, which I bought before I came on the trip. After picking up the book, I couldn’t put the book down! I was lying in my hammock most of the time while reading and learned so much. I wanted to throw the book into the fire at a stage because it was hitting all my weak spots and became unbearable. I felt so vulnerable and hurt. But I couldn’t chuck it, I had to finish it — it was something my heart needed. It said so many things that I needed to hear that no one else would or even could tell me. It built up on my list of hard truths, as per my previous post. Sometimes life just throws more bricks at you.

What life was saying to me. Photo taken in Stellenbosch.

I was struggling with the whole “finding the right person” thing. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to get married now, but I do want to get married one day. After a lot of thought, one of the hard truths that became clear, was that it’s not about finding the right person. It’s about becoming the right person.

Read that again.

Let me explain, I need to become the right person before I will find the right person. “Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?” as Andy would put it. Am I the person I need to be? To be honest, I can’t answer yes to that question and I really wish I could.

What if there is a “right” person looking for you, but won’t find you because you are not the person you need to be. The book explains it way better than I can, and would highly recommend it to people.

The second hard truth that I realised in the flawed statement “I need to find the right person”, is the “I” part. I am putting my will and what I want first, which is not the way. I need to learn to trust God and His plan and not let my plan and hard headedness get in the way. That is still something I am working on at the moment, but at least now I know that I have that problem. I believe that this part of “becoming who I need to be” is somehow connected to “finding my muchness”.

At the end of the book there was a one year single challenge which I decided to take head on. I believe that this can only help me focus on becoming the person God wants me to be. My heart has been frozen for too long and I have to learn how to thaw it with the end goal of letting people in again.

“The guys” headed off to the bouldering mission at Sassies for the day.

As part of this journey I have come across the following quote from a book called “The Way of the Wild Heart” by John Eldredge. It spoke to my heart.

“To say that I had come to the mountains, alone to be with God, would sound as though I’d come of my own accord, making the journey seem noble, austere, gallant. But that would not be honest. I came to the mountains because I was summoned.”

I knew this to be true for me as well. So my journey continues here in Rocklands, going on adventures, climbing and becoming the man God wants me to be.

In the meantime, here is a photo a really cool but hard bouldering route called An Amal (7c).

An Amal (7c)

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Oan De Waal

Written by

Oan is an adventurer with a passion for travelling and learning something new every day.

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