I am not in the motherhood trend.
My Instagram feed and the blogosphere are filled with motherhood imagery and posts. They divide into two biggest trends:
One has all the butterflies and rainbows, with motherhood defined as THE path in life. That camp has perfect sink-rose petal baths, birthday parties (handmade decor and perfect cake/cookies, too) that can outrun any professional service; there is a weekly or daily family happy picture in whatever trending IG theme of the moment; all moms have a standard accessory package from most trending wrap, baby carrier, stroller, diaper bag to clothes for her and the baby.
And if you ask in real life, this mom, with perfectly styled waist-long curls, is supposed to answer that her kids are angels with wings, always perfect (even when they try to set a house on fire) and, naturally, every mishap is always “her fault” because the kids arrived here to Earth to teach her how to be a perfect woman. Which she is trying to be. But, of course, she is not perfect. Yet. But she will be.
There is no life after kids except for the kids, but in this trend, she would never even wish for anything. Not supposed to.
That’s what identifies her as a “good mother” in this trend.
Then there is a second part, a camp where motherhood is “wonderful of course!” but is the cause of ALL evil. The kids are little demons with spears that DO set the house on fire when poor mom (who hasn’t even seen the shower in days because of the above mentioned “evil kids”) goes to the bathroom for 0.2 seconds. This is the camp, where chaos is labelled as normal, and when asked, this mom would tell the horror stories of motherhood as every day “TRUE reality” and finish with a “but I would never trade it for anything else!”, because, you know, the martyrs become holy at a certain moment, and that’s the point.
There is also no life after kids, because, you know, THE EVIL kids. HER life has ended when she heard a beautiful cry of a newborn baby (but she repeats like a mantra that she wouldn’t trade it for anything else — martyrs become holy, remember!).
That’s what makes her feel and be accepted as a “good mother” in this trend.
I don’t belong to either of these trends.
I think my kids are pretty damn perfect, but I am surely going to tell them off and “time them out” if they do something that we, as parents, consider unacceptable.
I love them to death and I will walk the earth barefoot if that is what going to save them or give them the happiness they dream of, but I have no guilt whatsoever of buying a birthday cake if the hours in my day ran short and I am tired.
I think motherhood is the most beautiful thing and it enhanced my life in more ways I EVER thought was possible, but not for a minute did I accept the thought that MY life, as a professional, as an independent human being, as a WOMAN, not just a mother, ended when the most lovable and kissable package was placed in my arms.
In my camp, we can have it the way WE want it, girls.
Because — why not? Aren’t we the creators of our own happiness?
I hope you read the text about two trending camps with a grain of humor, it’s meant to be. I know many who ARE sincerely happy with either of the scenarios described above. Which is fantastic and how it should be.
But let’s not try to fit into someone’s definition of “happiness” because it is “the trend” — just BE happy.
And if you feel like it, spread the word to others too — how about a picture or text with #HappyMotherhoodMyWay hashtag?!
As far as I think, there should be as many “trends” as there are mothers:
Aren’t we all one of a kind?
Mother of 7, dancer, creative director and founder of LivingNotes®
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