Strong

Strong. People tell you, you can handle this because you are strong. Well then I want to be weak. If I am weak will the universe take it all back? Will all the rocks the universe has thrown fly up into the sky? Or they say, “Just remember it could be worse.” Well of course it could be worse. I’ve heard worse, but pain is relative. Humans adapt to what they are presented with. I’ve experienced similar and that hurt for months, years, still. This was supposed to be my happily ever after, the light at the end of the tunnel. Not another test, not another heartache. Where do you go from here? What do you do when the universe presses the reset button on your life? I guess you keep going. Nothing has stopped yet. You smile, cry, laugh, sob, pretend everything is ok, and realize that it’s not. That you are all alone, he is never going to walk through that door. But then you talk yourself out of your tears; you push it all down, and muster through another couple hours. You feel accomplished for the simplest tasks. You made dinner for the first time in a month. You made dinner for just yourself. You cry on the kitchen floor. You get up. Time has still not stopped. You continue on. Cry. Laugh. Sob. Pretend. Fake it till you make it.