Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s not easy to be so transparent and i think this is a pretty brave entry. I’ve been going through a lot of the same thought patterns and trying to dig myself out of a trench of self-doubt and frustration lately, so I can relate.
Something that has helped me recently is to practice talking to myself as if I were talking to a small child. I don’t always remember to do it, but when I do I find I’m so much more patient with myself and less upset and critical about my failures. I can problem solve more effectively and land on my feet a lot better. For instance, if my daughter told me she was kicked out of some advanced class because she wasn’t catching on fast enough, I wouldn’t berate her and tell her she’s stupid or incompetent. In fact, I don’t know anyone who would respond well to that kind of lashing. I’d have a lot of compassion for her situation and would reassure her of her myriad qualities while trying to help her learn from the experience. We might find out she was bored with the work she was doing or just wasn’t ready for that challenge.
Thanks again for the positive message and I hope the best for you!