Are Introverts Born or Made?
(includes Bonus Solo-Game Section)
“Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice” — Hamlet, I.iii.68
Within the disciplines of extroversion and introversion there are many shades of grey, manifestations of character that make the entire discussion of who is and isn’t — a slippery one: for example, I am an utter introvert, however, I have confident social skills that allow me to get along with most people — if I so decide — and I don’t always. In other words: never mistake introversion for shyness, but be prepared to find them often together.
Introversion always gets the bad-rap: ‘it’s the quiet ones we should worry about. Freud said that introversion was essentially ‘narcissism — “the turning away of the libido from the possibilities of real satisfaction.” Not surprisingly, Jung took the opposite perspective:
“the willed introversion of a creative mind, which, retreating before its own problem and inwardly collecting its forces, dips at least for a moment into the source of life, in order there to wrest a little more strength from the mother for the completion of its work. It is a mother-child play with one’s self. The separation from the mother-imago, the birth out of one’s self, reconciles all conflicts through the sufferings. . . .The symbolism of this speech is of the greatest richness. He is buried in the depths of self, as if in the earth.
(p. 337) ( Jung, C. G. (1916/1965). The Psychology of the Unconscious. Tr. B. Hinkle)
But Freud also said that introversion was a perfectly natural response to what the Id perceives as threatening-the world at large:
“we are threatened with suffering from three directions: from our body, which is doomed to decay…, from the external world which may rage against us with overwhelming and merciless force of destruction, and finally from our relations with other men… This last source is perhaps more painful to use than any other. (― Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents (I, 77)
oh good, only three directions I have to watch — here, I was worried.
Freud even validates an introvert’s strongest convictions: that men and women, at their very core are bad people, and to be avoided, whereas society compels them to engage:
“that men are not gentle creatures who want to be loved, and who at the most can defend themselves if they are attacked; they are, on the contrary, creatures among whose instinctual endowments is to be reckoned a powerful share of aggressiveness (Freud V. 58)
All of this to shield us from the society that is supposed to protect us from itself:
“. . . in whatever way we define the concept of civilization, it is a certain fact that all the things with which we seek to protect ourselves against the threats that emanate from the sources of suffering are part of that very civilization” (Freud, III, 33)
Freud’s misgivings and warnings about society coalesce with Kaczynski’s:
Socially speaking, extroverts tend to collect innumerable personal relationships with other extroverts whom they call ‘friends,’ who in truth are merely acquaintances, whereas introverts tend to have a limited number of close relationships, all of whom they can call ‘friends.’ Insofar as acquaintances, they prefer to keep them at arm’s length. In this contradistinction do they find each others presence ever objectionable.
“Introverts are more intense in their relationships than extroverts. They are more passionate in their feelings: love or hate.
Introverts are irrevocably convinced that extroversion or engaging with modern society is far over-rated, to say the least
“Oversocialization can lead to low self-esteem, a sense of powerlessness, defeatism, guilt, etc. One of the most important means by which our society socializes children is by making them feel ashamed of behavior or speech that is contrary to society’s expectations.”― (Kaczynski 48)
How Is Xenophobia Different Not Introversion
Xenophobia can be thought of as a maniacal extreme introversion driven reaction to all others, or strangers. Here’s a real simple example: a long time ago, in my nihilistic twenties, I was visiting my mother’s apartment in Manhattan. Just as I came up the fire stairs, through a door, and turned into long, empty, common corridor, I caught my reflection in a mirror at the end of the hall.
I was startled, and adrenaline rose, which was a natural reaction, but more than anything, I recall an aspect of predisposed loathing for whoever it was that was there in the mirror, i.e., hated him outright before even seeing him. The irony did not escape me.
Then why should I feel as I did, other than being annoyed at being startled? It was because I would have so loathed to have met any one I didn’t recognize in that hall by surprise, or not: I simply didn’t like people. Not to say I wasn’t interested in (some very few) people, actually liking them was a whole different matter.
The Case for Hereditary Introversion
The idea that one is born an introvert is somewhat supported by one’s genetics. This is a notion that has always been around — that the apple does not fall far from the tree: both my parents were introverts despite middling or passing social skills, but utterly devoid of child rearing and familial skills. This latter circumstance somewhat inspired the genesis of my own introversion: I was both genetically predisposed to it, and condemned to it by virtue of the ineptitude of my upbringing, and my reaction to it.
There is willful introversion: all of my family can immerse themselves in study for hours on end, as can I, without suffering for company. But that is a circumstance that by no means denotes introversion. That introverts prefer small groups and feel anxious in mobs does not denote an aversion for other people either — it merely is a life choice.
“Introverts are famously known not to suffer fools gladly. Pair that with my Enneagram I Reformer profile, and you get something like a mix of Malcolm X and H.L. Mencken.
Sometimes I make a special effort to be more of an extrovert. But it never seems to work out right. For example, a certain lounge I (used to) habituate began to become very trendy and stylish. In this out-hip-you arena I began to feel more and more ostracized — even sorry for myself.
One night, collecting myself, I stood up, and with a big friendly smile walked right up to two (ugly, no one was talking to them …) women in the bar crowd, and very sweetly said “hello,” smiling at each if them. Not that they owed me any decency — that’s optional — the women blandly glanced away without acknowledging my presence.
I felt like spitting. Boxing their ears. But I bit my tongue. Did not want to absorb and perpetuate their negative vibe (although one sketch survives — below). But I seldom if ever visit this lounge anymore, ever since. In this way, do introverts recoil back to the safety, certitude, and familiarity of their quiet and disciplined sheltered life.
I suppose that bit of misguided tomfoolery on my part must have been owing to the fact that even in traditional places of meeting, people will be aghast if you approach them. So why would I do something like that? Because people no longer interact in the same ways they once did- preferring social media to real-life. To them, socializing in person is unnatural. Which means that when I go somewhere alone, no one ever approaches me (or any other stranger) for anything.
“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something — Plato
Extroverted behavior is too toilsome hard work, and mostly to be avoided by introverts — that’s why our photograph smiles always look painful and incomplete. Why should we smile? -introverts can’t feign a good time. It makes no sense to us. We need a reason to smile.
“Introversion can be thought of as a reactive response to social stimulus, and extroversion as a proactive one.-EP
How different the stoic, mild-mannered introvert, as compared to a snarky, whiny, duplicitous and scheming introvert like Mark Zuckerberg — or gross Elon Musk, that ruthless parvenu, ultra-industrialist, is a self-proclaimed ‘reformed introvert.’ If it were true that introverts always kept to themselves, we wouldn’t be nauseated every time Zuckerberg or Musk foul the newsfeed. Better they stayed in their shell and never venture out.
‘A website for an ‘Introvert Mission- get out!
It’s when the introvert goes nuts, that people pay attention. Any serial killer, or demented murderer is always assumed to be an introvert that fits that mold. For some bizarre reason, some people suspect introverts to be weird, or predisposed to mania and murder.
‘When toxic reformed introverts, like Zuckerberg or Musk have something to say, we call that ‘fouling, just like Dante’s Inferno devils broke-wind to communicate.’
The Case for Latent and Acquired Introversion
As some people grow older they may develop introversion — sort like getting polio or schizophrenia in your 20s. They may have been genetically predisposed all along, and this I would call latent introversion. The second biggest influence of latent introversion can be thought of as family reinforced introvertive immersive environment and behavior itself that reinforces antisocial and fight or flight perspectives.
The notion that introverts can be ‘made’ is relatively easy to fathom. Any myriad traumatic experiences compel one to permanently turn inward — from the time they were first traumatized. Such individuals may tend to keep to themselves, but this must not be presumed an introverted personality. For example, children who are bullied by siblings or schoolmates are at high risk of adopting fight or flight responses. Introversion in that case is merely an instinctual response, not a congenital one.
For the introvert hardliners, they have come about their sorrows honestly. The hardest cases experience a continuum of bad social experiences over the course of their life, will withdraw the furthest, recoiling from any harsh light. Who is anyone to make them smile for photos? But just because they don’t smile easily doesn’t mean they send out packages wired with explosives.
How Well Do You Know Your Introverts?
Match the Snarky Quote with the Introverted Author below
- I was never less alone than when by myself.
- Hell is other people.
- Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living.
- The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.
- An inability to stay quiet is one of the conspicuous failings of mankind.
- A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.
- I don’t hate people, I just feel better when they aren’t around.
- He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know.
- People are always so boring when they band together. You have to be alone to develop all the idiosyncrasies that make a person interesting.
- I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!!
Authors
A. Andy Warhol
B. Lao Tzu
C. Edward Gibbon
D. Charles M. Schulz
E. Walter Bagehot
F. Charles Bukowski
G. Jean-Paul Sartre
H. Oscar Wilde
I. Aldous Huxley
J. Albert Einstein
(inquire in comments below for correct answers)
A Few Introverts Whose Work I Admire
Muhammad Ali
David Bowie
Prince
Franz Kafka
Malcolm X
Steve Martin
Bill Murray
Steve Martin
Fyodor Dostoevsky
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
William Faulkner
Clarence John Laughlin
Robin Williams
Igor Stravinsky
Gustav Mahler
Robert Fripp
Keith Richards
Wallace Stevens
Vincent van Gogh
Sylvia Plath
Flannery O’Connor
Emily Dickinson
Edvard Munch
Joseph Cornell
Camille Claudel
Jackson Pollock
Willem de Kooning
John Cameron Mitchell
George Harrison
Jim Morrison
Theodore “Ted” Kaczynski (writings)
-who’s on your list?
10 Fictional Introverts I admire
- Hamlet
- Jane Eyre
- Jude Fawley
- Prince Lev Nikolayevich Myshkin
- Tess D’Urbervilles
- Nick Carraway
- Lord Jim Marlow
- Rupert Birkin
- Sherlock Holmes
- Endeavor (Inspector Morse)
They all have one thing in common — except for one. I prithee, can you guess who and why?
And Everyone’s All Time Favorite Introvert
