The Madness you Don’t See Behind the Author

See from the outside looking in being an author is amazing. Being a public speaker looks magical. The content connection looks adventurous. But with every growth comes a new struggle.

See no one sees the madness before the victory or in my case a book signing or public speaking opportunity. The signage issues, the marketing issues, the weather issues deterring traffic and damaging product, friendship issues, family issues, relationship issues and more. However, when it’s your vision, your goal, your dream you push through.

I don’t tell you there are technical behind the scene issues to play the violin but to let you know you are not alone. Whatever dream you are pursuing, especially self-promotion will have struggles. I wanted to take a moment to share a few I encountered through the last couple of weeks to remind you your not alone.


I would love to get paid right at the moment but that doesn’t always happen. When working with larger companies you are often forced to adapt to their payables schedule or internal issues. Thus, causing a delay in my debit cards ability to adapt. You think you are ahead and then it seems right before big event expenses arise but all the revenue from previously is still on route.

It happens. You are not alone wondering which credit card to use to pay for parking, wondering how many cans of tuna are packed near the back of your cupboard, or if you have enough gas to make the next 24 hours. In business, there are times you feel like Oprah and others you feel like a pauper but learning to anticipate expenses or budget “extra wiggle room” will help to ease the pain of some of those unexpected blows.


Some may know I have a pet fish named Oscar (his blog debut will arrive shortly). In business, he is my right-hand man as he stays up late with me and allows me to yell obscenities without judgement or noise back. However, not all relationships in life are like that. We have family, friends, spouses, pets that need more attention, staff, colleagues, and more. Before a big event, they may not understand our minds appearing elsewhere or the internal stress happening as they are not exposed to the difficulties beforehand or can’t understand why we are so concerned about décor. Large events are like planning a wedding but monthly, with new guests, new needs, and new locations. Bride’s drive us crazy but we know this is only a one-time thing (hopefully). When doing public appearance your friends wonder what brought on this Bridezilla. They don’t understand the new nerves or new excitement to make sure we grow and do better next time. We can appear selfish as our media has a current focus or are lacking to make them a priority in this time.

This does not happen often, but it does happen. With each event/signing, you will see who truly wants you to achieve (regardless of your absence), who wants to see that excitement on your face each morning and night, you will also see who has limits. Now don’t get me wrong do not neglect people for months but know that it does not matter how much you communicate the purpose of your time-consuming moment you will eventually have someone who is upset. It will be someone you care about, but you need to ask yourself have I been available and communicative or am I being a tyrant? If it is the tyrant find a balance between your goals and the relationship. If you have been communicative and the support does not exist now it is okay to walk away. (Even if it makes you cry or want to puke)


Even the best wedding planners in the world prepare for hiccups. Whenever you watch a planner show you see them going WTF and holding back the firey rage inside of them as someone chooses not to prioritize this large moment. They will make their mistake your issue to solve instead of showing they are the best for any job. It happens. For example, on my recent signings in Vancouver, my banner was unable to be transported but Vancouver print shops wanted me to order from Montreal and priority ship to Vancouver. Others were so backed up it did not matter what I offered I was not getting a banner in 3 weeks. I ordered balloons in substitution and small signs. Guess what my printing company ran out of the required paper and wanted me to wait till after my event. My balloon company did not get their delivery in time and wanted me to use pink balloons instead of purple.

I needed a plan of action but this could not be where all my time went so I gave myself 1hour to find replacements or I would settle for what was being offered and trust the universe’s bigger picture. Guess what I took the pink balloons, and no one even noticed.

So, whether its accepting different colours or walking away from “the must-have item” know it is okay because people are there for the personal experience, not the matching napkins.


As someone who suffers from anxiety during large events, I need to coordinate time in for my necessary self-care tips to keep me energized. For a period, I stopped as it appeared “diva-ish” to others but then I realized it took away from those interacting with me and increased the amount of time I needed to re-zen afterwards. Taking care of yourself should always be a priority (as long as it’s not physically hurting another).