9000 Funny Christmas Quotes: Short Holiday Sayings
Everyone says it’s the season to be jolly. But if you’re not in a festive mood just yet, this list of 100 funny Christmas quotes should give you a few Santa-worthy belly laughs.
Share these funny holiday quotes with your friends and family to spread Christmas joy, or use them as clever Christmas-themed Instagram captions. You can even use them on coffee mugs or T-shirts and give them as gifts!
Either way, these funny Christmas quotes are sure to bring good tidings to you and your kin and help get you into the holiday spirit. Original content: Read Here
100 Funny Christmas Quotes
1. “I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, ‘So does the guy I stole it from.’” — David Letterman
2. ”Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” — Gary Allan
3. ”I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” — Maya Angelou
4. ”The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” — Johnny Carson
5. ”Christmas: It’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” — Samantha Bee
6. ”It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.” — Milton Berle
7. “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.” — Charles M. Schulz
8. ”We celebrate the birth of one who told us to give everything to the poor by giving each other motorized tie racks.” — Bill McKibben
9. “It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.” — Craig Ferguson
10. “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman
Related: Is Santa Real? How To Keep the Magic Alive While Explaining Santa to Your Kids
Unsplash
11. ”Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” — Stephen Fry
12. “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge
13. ”The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin
14. “I don’t know what to say, but it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” — National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
