Past the Fetish and Into the Facts: Sex Educator Dr. Vixenne Talks About Vaginal Ejaculation
On Saturday, Feb 27, the Stockroom will welcome sex educator Dr. Victoria Reuveni — otherwise known as @DrVixenne — for a workshop on a topic that’s as popular as it is misunderstood: Squirting.
While ejaculation has typically been considered something that you can only do with a penis, people of all genders have been more and more interested in how to spray, squirt, or gush with a vagina. It can be a very beautiful, sexy thing, but also and extremely frustrating one because there are so many rumors, fetishes, and misconceptions surrounding squirting. As a prominent sexologist and educator, Dr. Vixenne will be helping Stockroom University students understand separate the myths from the facts. We asked her how to tell the difference between the two.
So-called “female” ejaculation has become increasingly popular, at least as something to aspire to or to try out. When somebody comes to a workshop like yours, what kind of myths do they bring with them, and what are the realities?
Some myths around squirting tend to be things like “Is it pee?” (It’s not.) There’s very little urea in “female” ejaculate, usually just what’s left in the urethra from the last time the person urinated. It’s actually very similar to “male” ejaculate, minus sperm, along with sugars.
Another misconception I hear a lot is along the lines of “Is it as explosive or dramatic as in adult films?” And certainly, there may be some people who are capable of ejaculating copious streams, but not everyone can, and remember — that’s movie magic with editing and whatnot. Sometimes, it simply a warm gush or trickle. Neither should be a value judgement. Both are awesome.
Physiologically, what’s happening during ejaculation, and how common is the ability to do it? Is it something that anyone with a vulva should be able to do?
As arousal is taking place, fluid is being collected. If the person does not ejaculate, it’s harmlessly reabsorbed into the body. How common is it? Well, there is no real way to know. Sex studies are not funded all that well, and there is still a lot of shame around sex in general, and squirting in particular. People might not admit that this is something they can do. I like that you phrased it as “is it something that anyone can do,” rather than everyone. Certainly, I think that squirting comes easier to some people (pardon the pun), and some people really have to work at it. With time, patience, and practice, ejaculating is something that can be learned. I want to stress that if someone finds that they cannot seem to “achieve” this goal, it’s not time wasted — be playful, have fun with it, and use it as a learning experience.
What’s the mystique around it? Why is it such an enticing act in porn and education workshops alike?
I think it’s still just so taboo. Part of it might be the “dirty-ness” of it. About a year ago, squirting was banned in British porn — go figure. In terms of workshops, there’s this level of titillation that comes with a lecture-style class just due to the nature of talking and hearing about sex/sexuality, and that titillation level ramps up if there is a possibility of a live demonstration. In creating this class, I had to think to myself how does it benefit the lesson to either have or not have a demo.
Do you think that the depictions in media — from porn to Cosmo — make “female” ejaculation a source of anxiety? Like, this is something that I’m supposed to do, and I can’t?
Oh definitely. Whether it’s squirting, or fisting, or just about any sexual activity…and certainly anything related to body image we easily think there’s something wrong with us if we can’t do XYZ, or can’t look a certain way. Particularly with these mainstream media outlets like Cosmo, there’s this reinforcement of comparing to others. Sex “advice” columns where folks write in with questions like “my boyfriend says his last girlfriend could do XYZ.” This is largely unhelpful, and many times the advice comes from people who are not in the sex education or health fields.
If someone hasn’t ejaculated before, what are some good first steps to take to try to get there?
I love this question! Number one is set time aside, turn the phone off, minimize the possible distractions. Make sure you’re hydrated, which is just good in general, but if you’re not hydrated you may be less likely to squirt. Make sure to pee before you start (especially if peeing the bed is a source of anxiety around squirting). From there, you want to do all the things that usually get you all hot and bothered. Some people like to avoid orgasms and sort of edge their way to squirting, but others go for several orgasms and build up. You’re going to want to focus on the g-spot, using pressure, and having the fingers in that classic “Come Hither” motion or using an angled toy like the njoy Pure Wand. You’re probably going to feel the sensation of needing to pee, if you keep stimulating that g-spot you’ll likely gush. Take your time with it, don’t be super goal-oriented. If it happens, that’s great, but if it doesn’t, it was not an evening wasted.
Can you describe a little bit about the structure and activities in your class?
I try very hard to be as gender inclusive as possible, knowing that all people with a vulva/vagina do not identify as women or female, and may not even use those words for their bits. Most of my class is lecture style, with time to break into pairs or groups to talk about what came up, what was new for the students. There is no live demo in my class, which was a very conscious decision on my part when I came up with it. You can’t even guess how many offers I’ve had from folks over the past couple months of offering to be my demo model — which I appreciate. I couldn’t reconcile the fact that I’m spending…maybe two hours…to impart the information to the class about taking your time, and not being goal-oriented, but then having a demo where the person ejaculates in a few minutes. It felt very contradictory to my style of teaching.
What I am planning, and this will be new to my lesson, is to include a clip or two from the fabulous Crash Pad Series of folks of all different gender presentations squirting. While there is still some movie magic with editing, Crash Pad is very real, too. And I’m really excited to incorporate the gender inclusivity from Crash Pad into my class.
Calling Forth the Gush, with Dr. Vixenne
Saturday, February 27
2811 W. Sunset Blvd.
2–5 PM
Originally published at blog.stockroom.com on February 24, 2016.
