Map out your core values to live a life of your choice. (Be authentic to yourself)
If you feel stuck in life and want a life where you can choose to live the way you want, then you need to build some fundamental beliefs in your life. These fundamental beliefs are your core values of life, which keep you grounded and focused on the things that matter most to you.
Core values are the guide to the roadmap of your life. Now, you have to decide where to go and how to go.
Core values are the base of your roadmaps.
Before I begin with how to choose your core values, I want to share an observation that I made. I want to share some conclusions from my observations.
3 kinds of people I observed —
1. Ordinary people with simple goals:
Some people are following the same patterns in life. Going to the office every day, taking care of their daily needs, marrying a person without giving it much thought, fulfilling the needs of their family, and raising their children after a certain age.
And when they have grandchildren, they take care of them, retire at a certain age, and bid their goodbye to this world. Period.
2. More than ordinary people:
Some people were rebellious enough to start their businesses and work, but I have noticed they work more than office people. They cannot attend to their own family and are always complaining that they’re not earning enough, even though they earn more than the average person who goes to the office.
And even after that, they don’t know how to spend that money on the things they want to spend.
3. Calm and determined people:
These people are rare, almost 2% — 3% of people are generally happy or working in their dream job. I have noticed one very major difference, whether they are going to offices, owning their own business, or farming.
They are very calm and firm. They work deeply for some hours for their passion, work, business, office, or farming. When I met these people, they were polite. They have a different perspective on life. They are not worried about money.
They like to explore life based on their values. They take an interest in pursuing their dreams, not based on any fear or force, but by their choice.
If you want to live like the first two kinds of people, I’m sorry to say this blog is not for you. But if you want to live like the calm and determined people, like the last one, then welcome; you are exactly where you need to be.
What’s the main difference between the first two kinds of people and the last?
Calm and determined people have well-defined core values. They know how they want to live life.
When you decide to live the way you want, you have no space in your head for negativity and procrastination. But when you let outside voices validate your actions, you always expect outside sources to be your guide.
But in reality, everyone is too busy to give you directions for life. Even if they love you so much, they cannot provide you with the right kind of guidance because no one can understand you better than yourself.
You should take responsibility for living life the way you want.
How to build the core values:
1. Explore yourself:
When I say explore yourself, I’m not vaguely indicating to follow any trend like others. I’m suggesting you take notice of each small activity.
Take some days to observe your reaction towards the outer world. Ask a few questions to yourself. For example: How do you react when you feel pain and challenges? Do you like being peaceful, or do you want adventures in life? What are the things that make you excited? Is it helping others or solving problems?
When you start knowing yourself, you create a foundation about yourself. You can see yourself as you are without wanting validation from others.
No one is born knowing everything about themselves. Whenever you decide to know about yourself, your journey begins from there; it doesn’t matter the age or time.
2. Identify your core values:
When you start the journey of self-awareness, now is the time to find out what are the basic core values that resonate with you the most.
The easiest way to find out is to write down 10–15 values on paper. For example: Discipline, Peace, Family, Love, Adventures, Challenge, Courage, Honesty, Curiosity, Freedom, Compassion, Resilience, and Kindness.
When you write down such values on paper, you will understand the things that are most important to you. Not every core value you have mentioned in the paper is going to be important for you.
You will know this by refreshing your memories from the early age of your life when you had not been influenced by society, family, or friends. You used to play freely, and you were innocent.
Those memories can be filled with trauma or scars for many, but those memories are the most important source for you to understand yourself.
Do you remember that feeling the first time you learned how to ride a bicycle or bike? How happy you were when you won the prize for winning the race in your school sports? How excited you were when you drew your first drawing, and your drawing teacher praised you for that?
Refresh your memories and write down 10–15 core values related to yourself, without any pressure of judgment and being perfect.
3. Narrow down the values that align with you:
While writing those values, you will realize that your priorities have changed now. You have changed and faced many things while growing up. Narrow down the top 5 specific values from those above-mentioned core values.
You need time and space with yourself while doing this because if you have been letting yourself be approved by others your whole life, you need to stop this habit.
You need to stop asking and waiting for validation from others. How will you do this? By learning the truth about yourself, by identifying the foundational beliefs that align with you.
1. Set goals aligning with your core values:
When you filter and decide your top 5 personal core values, you have to set goals before your values. If your core value is honesty in life, you cannot pretend to be someone else in front of your colleagues and different in front of your family.
You need to stick to your values. Make yearly or monthly goals in life. Break these goals into small tasks. If your core value is being disciplined in working out regularly, you need to take 20 minutes from your hectic schedule every day and begin working out 3 or 4 times a week.
2. Revaluate yourself after each week/month/year:
Being human comes with its shortcomings. As you grow up in life, things will change in your life. Maybe in the future, you start a job, and your home city will change.
You may start a new venture in life. Those old core values you decided a year ago might not resonate with you now, and maybe not every value is going to give you fruitful outcomes as you were expecting.
Be humble with yourself and be ready to be accountable for your actions, thoughts, and feelings. If any core values need to change or be replaced, replace them. Relearn about yourself. Revaluate the core values you decided on previously.
Make refreshments in your life. Don’t hesitate to change the values just because it seems hard at first glance. When you go through the process of doing it again, it will help you understand the hidden side of your personality that you haven’t explored before.
3. Have peace with being yourself:
Being peaceful with your choices needs healthy self-love and self-esteem. Don’t compare your life with others who are successful in life. Their life story has gone through a different trajectory than yours.
From the outside, it may seem like others’ lives have more joy, fun, and happiness, but you may never know their inner struggles, or what they are going through. You can understand this because of the way you are going through your inner turmoil.
No one knows. Others can have their own specific set of problems. How can you be peaceful yet grow forward? By giving your priorities the attention they need. You can’t help others if your own life is a mess.
You can do that side by side by improving your personal life and also helping others with their problems by being empathic and peaceful with yourself first. Don’t try to fight the battles of others when you have to pick your pieces from the ground.
Learn to respond by taking time; don’t start reacting nervously to any challenge by being desperate to fix it immediately. You cannot manage everything that is going on in your life, but you can manage your perception, reaction, and feelings.
You can decide to solve one problem at a time and take precise steps according to that.
Conclusion:
When you are committed to your core values, you have no space for making excuses. You are aware of your moods and feelings. You know the ways to come out of a problem and tackle the challenges that come in the way. Following your inner thoughts is easy and simple when you have secure and healthy core values.
