I might be going to jail on Val’s day
When I finally decided it was time to let the cat out the bag, some part of me was still not ready to walk through the fire.
The commitment.
I’d sauntered around the burning coals of proposal for years, dropping hints through occasional calls and texts, it choked my ability to be true with himself.
She’s gradually become my muse. My inspiration.
I love to feel loved but I can’t stand a rejection.
Sometimes I hide behind my jokes as a form of protection.
Protecting my shy and “not so man enough” self from the wrath of a potential lover.
Her pictures flood my gallery. She doesn’t know.
I have them in the order she changes her display pictures on whatsap.
Am not stalking her. Maybe my subconscious mind is.
I can’t promise myself she would reciprocate the love. But what do I stand to lose?
It all comes back to me.
God bless St. Valentine. At least I can lurk behind the celebrations of love to express in the most endearing manner, my thoughts about her.
If she accepts; Hurrraaaay!!
If she doesn’t; we are all celebrating love.
I want her to be mine. My empress.
That I would cherish and keep like a dime and pearl my grandma gave me back in 6th grade.
Am hopeful. 14 February. If my proposal is turned down it will give me another story to write and probably publish on Medium.
And if it’s accepted, my fear for commitment will be revived. I will be thrown into jail. The four grey walls of commitment will stare at me all day. 24/7 multiplied by how long our relationship would last. Looking through me like a piece of glass. But seeing nothing.
I really do want you. But please don’t accept my proposal. Don’t throw me into jail.
Love and commitment.
What is love if it’s not guaranteed.
Show me a true relationship with no commitment.
My name is Ofori.
A seeker of the interpretation of love.