Every UK #1 Single from 2008, Ranked and Reviewed
This is part of an ongoing series in which I rank and review every number one hit song from the UK charts in a given year, examining trends, figuring out what makes a good pop song tick, and bemoaning the entries that never should have made it that high in the first place.
Please enjoy.
21. X Factor Finalists — Hero (8th November — 29th November)
It’s the 2000s and you know what that means: not only does The X Factor exist, but people are watching it deliberately. This cover of Mariah Carey’s 1993 single was recorded by the show’s twelve finalists as a charity single for Help for Heroes and The Royal British Legion, a campaign that inspired the then-Chancellor of the Exchequer to essentially waive VAT on sales of the song and compensate via government donation. Heartwarming context aside, however, the song itself is 12 fairly generic acts taking it in turns to strut their stuff on one of Mariah’s weaker ballads, and without her singular charisma to propel it, the cover amounts to a monumental slog.
20. Kid Rock — All Summer Long (9th August — 16th August)
Jesus Christ what a load of shit. The biggest hit of Kid Rock’s career is a detestable mashup of Warren Zevon’s ‘Werewolves of London’ with Lynyrd Skynyrd’s ‘Sweet Home Alabama’, crudely pulling together samples from each song and somehow managing to get the Skynyrd guitar riff wrong when the man raises it from the dead like a racist necromancer; “Singing ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ all summer long” he croons, just in case you didn’t catch the reference. There is essentially one single vocal melody in the entire song, and it gets repeated with only the slightest of variations somewhere within the ballpark of six trillion times. ‘All Summer Long’ only dodges the bottom spot because it’s tasteless enough to hold my attention for longer than ‘Hero’ does. Kid Rock you bastard. I hate this song and I hate you.
19. Leon Jackson — When You Believe (23rd December [2007] — 19th January)
Leon was the winner of The X Factor in 2007, an event that inspired mixed emotions in my 10-year-old self; I had been rooting for brother-sister duo Same Difference but was mostly relieved to see the crown go to someone other than the wax-faced Rhydian, who I did not trust in the slightest. This was Leon’s ceremonial victory single, rush-released in the middle of the week in a bid to claim a Christmas number one (which of course it did), a cover of an optimistic ballad from The Prince of Egypt soundtrack that had originally bagged an Oscar and prompted a cover by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston. It’s alright as far as songs in this archetype go, and Leon’s version is, y’know, fine, but his boyish voice feels a little ill-fitting and the arrangement is hardly mind-blowing. Good on you though, mate.
18. Mint Royale — Singin’ in the Rain (14th June — 28th June)
This somewhat baffling remix was originally released to considerable success in 2005 but surged in popularity following its use in the finals of Britain’s Got Talent in 2008, because apparently the entire British public’s music taste was dictated by talent shows presided over by Simon Cowell for like a solid few years there. The track combines spritely woodwind and vocal samples from the 1952 film of the same name with house-tinged percussion and driving synth leads. None of it really meshes, and the result is an eccentric but sloppy bit of plunderphonics that probably would have fared better (and cost less) if the samples weren’t there to begin with. That its appearance on BGT was enough to propel this lacklustre track to the top spot for two weeks is a brutal indictment of our country.
17. Take That — Greatest Day (6th December — 13th December)
Remember Take That? Do you really remember? Did you know this was their eleventh number one single? I had no clue. It’s fine though, in the way Take That songs usually are. It feels more like a very long bridge than a proper song and the pianos at the beginning are particularly hideous, but I can’t really be too rude about it, partly because there’s so little to comment on and partly because I can’t bring myself to be mean to Gary Barlow. He seems nice. Wait never mind I just looked it up and he’s a tax dodger. Fuck off Gary Barlow.
16. P!nk — So What (11th October — 1st November)
This song huh. P!nk had been around for a while at this point, but this was my first exposure to her and I vaguely recall being taken aback by how ROWDY it was. She’s got her ROCK MOVES guys. The key device here is the contrast between the boisterous attitude of the first couple minutes and the glimpses of vulnerability in the middle eight, condensing P!nk’s whole “tough girl with a fragile heart” thing into one song. It’s a fairly middling entry into the canon of ultra-compressed 2000s pop rock songs, but I think it’d be at least 4% better if she didn’t mutter “uh, check my flow, awh” after the first chorus. At least it has personality.
15. Madonna — 4 Minutes feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland (26th April — 24th May)
The lead single from Madonna’s eleventh album, Hard Candy, is a stomping dance-pop tune boasting guest spots from Justin Timberlake and Timbaland, the latter of whom also produced the track. Ostensibly a song about “[saving] the planet” and “having a good time while we are doing it”, ‘4 Minutes’ is suspiciously lacking in environmentalist overtones (or even undertones) and instead mostly consists of horny throwaway lines and, uh, proverbs. Once his intro subsides, Timbaland’s stiff, marching-band brass loops quickly become mind-numbing and Madonna sounds like she’s having the least fun of her life as she takes over. Only the bustling percussion and JT’s indomitable energy keep the momentum of the song alive; “the time is waiting”, Madonna intones, which doesn’t even make sense as a line. “WE’VE ONLY GOT FOUR MINUTES TO SAVE THE WORLD”, Justin cries in response, like he truly believes it.
14. Katy Perry — I Kissed A Girl (16th August — 20th September)
Ah geez. Katy. Katy, why. The now-institutional pop songstress’ debut single went number one in 18 countries, boasting a catchy hook and an instrumental that fused stompy rock ’n’ roll with electro-pop synths. The issues with the song’s portrayal of same-gender romance as something taboo for straight women to dabble in for titillation’s sake were brought up from the jump, and the concept has only aged more poorly, with Perry recently commenting that she “probably would make an edit on it” if she had to write the song again. Thank goodness for that. Somehow, it’s not even the most homophobic moment on the album, and lyrical clumsiness aside, it’s still only an ok song that’s a sizeable step beneath Perry’s best tunes.
13. Duffy — Mercy (23rd February — 29th March)
I’d never heard this song before now, even though it was apparently massive. It’s not hard to see why, given it’s a catchy bit of bluesy pop, probably constructed to mimic the whole throwback thing Amy Winehouse was doing. Lyrically, though, there’s not a lot that impresses, and melodically it’s mostly pretty basic melodies ornamented with showy vocal runs. What sticks out most is the quirky production; the bass thumps along with a peculiar, muffled timbre, cheap-sounding organs bleat in the background, guitars show up and disappear again in either ear. It’s a shame that Duffy’s vocal contribution, while largely inoffensive, is too derivative to carry the song to its full potential, but then again, her most inventive moment comes at the whispered rap breakdown two minutes in, which is so unbearable that she had to sing over it. A mixed bag, this one.
12. Leona Lewis — Run (13th December — 27th December)
Another X Factor winner, this time from the 2006 series, Leona Lewis had already won over the nation’s hearts/charts with two number one hits. Her third, ‘Run’, is another cover, injecting a gospel touch into Snow Patrol’s 2003 power ballad and trading its rock palette for lavish orchestration. The difference between versions is more dramatic than that of the other covers on the list, and the vocal range she displays on the song is nothing if not impressive; it’s solid, inoffensive stuff, and the hook is probably one of the strongest I’ve heard from Snow Patrol. It’s no ‘Bleeding Love’, but that’s a toughie to follow, and she does an alright job here.
11. Rihanna — Take A Bow (31st May — 14th June)
Rihanna! Yay! A year after ‘Umbrella’, her first UK number one, Rihanna released ‘Take A Bow’ to promote the re-release of her third album, Good Girl Gone Bad. It’s not in the same league as her more memorable tunes, and StarGate’s production is hardly ambitious, but it’s hard not to like, particularly with someone as naturally charismatic as Rihanna at the centre; “You look so dumb right now / Standin’ outside my house” she sings, putting it bluntly. “Grab your clothes and get gone / Before the sprinklers come on”. It’s a witty, convincing ballad, even if it doesn’t hit like Rihanna’s best material does.
10. The Ting Tings — That’s Not My Name (24th May — 31st May)
‘That’s Not My Name’ may have been parodied and licensed until the cows come home, but it just so happens to slap. Mostly. The full version of the track is about two minutes too long and Katie White’s vocals are kind of awkward to sit through on the verses, but the hook is simple and infectious enough to justify making it that far. The dynamic instrumental, chanted vocals and loosely anti-industry lyrics give ‘That’s Not My Name’ a slight dance-punk vibe that’s mostly absent in pop music too. It’s a shame more stuff in this vein didn’t really make it onto the charts, but at least we still have this silly, imperfect gem to enjoy, both deliberately and during ads for Alexa and Coke and stuff.
9. Alexandra Burke — Hallelujah (27th December — 17th January [2009])
The last of the X Factor entries clocks in at number 9. Alexandra Burke beat out the likes of JLS and poor Eoghan Quigg in 2008’s final, and while her soulful version of Hallelujah may not make a dent in the Jeff Buckley iteration on which it’s based, it’s such a fundamentally great song, musically and lyrically, that it’s hard not to get swept up in it. Commercially, the song was a complete smash, becoming the best-selling single of the year, the highest-selling single released by an X Factor winner and the first song by a British female artist to exceed one million UK sales. Props to you, Alexandra.
8. Basshunter — Now You’re Gone (19th January — 23rd Feburary)
This is that primo noughties Eurodance I was anticipating, thank you Basshunter. ‘Now You’re Gone’ is ridiculous in a way that is only truly obvious in hindsight, but I’m glad we didn’t have the scruples to know better back in 2008. In fact, we didn’t know better so much that this song lasted five weeks at number one, which sounds completely lit the more I think about it. I wish shit like this was still popular, so I could be rude about it on Twitter and then listen to it nonstop. But now it’s gone. I realised my love for it was strong. And I miss it here now it’s gone. I keep w
7. Ne-Yo — Closer (5th July — 12th July)
There’s too many songs out there named ‘Closer’ at this point, but Ne-Yo and StarGate can lay claim to what is surely one of the best, an elegant blend of the former’s usual musical palette with the sounds of London’s nightclub scene. It’s pure movement when the chorus hits, with guitars twinkling over a four-to-the-floor house beat, but the true dynamo is Ne-Yo, propelling the song with an impassioned, breathless performance. Although the song’s RnB elements sound a tad dated at this point, ‘Closer’ is still a slick foray into dance music for Ne-Yo and an innovative piece of pop that deserved a longer stay at the top than some of its contemporaries.
6. Beyoncé — If I Were a Boy (29th November — 6th December)
Wollstonecraft. Butler. Knowles. Beyoncé was already a fixture in the pop landscape by the time the BC Jean-penned ‘If I Were a Boy’ dropped, securing her fourth UK number one. Its mellow instrumental, complete with squelchy snare drums and melancholy guitars circling in the background, is characteristic of 2000s RnB and — as in ‘Closer’ — slightly unexciting, but the track is elevated by Beyoncé’s performance as she murmurs each verse in her lower register before zipping up an octave to belt the chorus. The lyrics boast more depth than a hit typically does, expressing both envy towards the unselfconscious freedom associated with masculinity under patriarchy and contempt for the lack of empathy that comes with it. ‘If I Were A Boy’ is multifaceted, compelling, and an all-round great bop.
5. Dizzee Rascal — Dance Wiv Me feat. Calvin Harris & Chrome (12th July — 9th August)
Calvin Harris, Dizzee Rascal and Chrome all scored their first UK number one with ‘Dance Wiv Me’, a summer-ready track that features vocal contributions from all three artists. Dizzee delivers his verses with a smirk, lusting after a girl in the club — “Why you all over there on your Jack Jones? / You need to let me get behind your backbone” — with Chrome and Harris chiming in to execute the goofy chorus. The funky synth stabs and mid-tempo beat have more in common with Harris’ cheeky 2007 debut I Created Disco and recent Funk Wav. Bounces project than the early 2010s EDM he’s notorious for, and it’s easily his stronger mode. ‘Dance Wiv Me’ is vibrantly silly and undeniably groovy, and it still sounds fresh as hell.
4. Kings of Leon — Sex on Fire (20th September — 11th October)
I’m pretty sure it’s uncool to like Kings of Leon, particularly in this case, but I do not care. This song rips. God knows what Caleb Followill is saying for a good 20% of it but he sounds like he means it and that’s what matters. You can sneer at its trend-chasing alt-rock sound if you want, but like, come on. Come on. It’s pure adrenaline and the chorus is magnificent. Maybe my sex really is on fire, whatever that means. Don’t @ me.
3. Coldplay — Viva la Vida (28th June — 5th July)
The thing about Coldplay is before they became the bad band that everyone makes fun of, they were the pretty good band that only some people made fun of. Somehow, the most melodramatic moment of Chris Martin’s career comes not in the form of one of his stripped-down ballads, but in the baroque-pop hit ‘Viva la Vida’, the band’s highest charting single. Don’t let the very silly lyrics about being a deposed monarch distract you from the fact that this is a damn good song, due in no small part to the lush production on the track’s thrusting string section. You can’t really listen to it without feeling like a bit of a tool, but try to, because it’s a reminder of a simpler time, before Coldplay went completely to shit, and it still sounds great.
2. Girls Aloud — The Promise (1st November — 8th November)
GIRLS ALOUD GIRLS ALOUD GIRLS ALOUD GIRLS ALOUD GIRLS ALOUD GIRLS ALOUD GIRLS ALOUD. Girls Aloud. Easily the biggest girl group in a post-Spice United Kingdom, this was to be Girls Aloud’s last number one hit, and good lord is it a cracker. Inspired by pop tunes of the 1960s and Phil Spector’s “wall of sound” production technique, ‘The Promise’ is a pure delight, from the breathless intro to the rich arrangement to the enormous, dazzling chorus. It’s over-the-top and utterly irresistible, right up to the key change and beyond.
1. Estelle — American Boy feat. Kanye West (29th March — 26th April)
Ten years on, and Estelle and Kanye’s transatlantic collabo still sounds like lightning in a bottle, a deliriously fun dance-pop number overflowing with chemistry and charisma. The will.i.am-produced instrumental, originally from his 2007 album Songs About Girls, blends funk bass, jazzy 7th chords and buzzing synth stabs together over a thumping disco beat. Estelle makes it her own, reinventing the track with a stronger sense of personality, both funny and flirtatious; “Don’t like his baggy jeans / But I’mma like what’s underneath them”. Kanye, meanwhile, is in full pop domination mode post-Graduation, and his verse is brilliantly silly, every dumb punchline working perfectly through sheer bravado. For all of its co-writers, its major label release, its high-profile rap feature, there’s still something scrappy and unpolished about the song, but it’s only more charming as a consequence. It’s rough around the edges but dazzling in its energy, and Estelle, with her starry-eyed lyrics, feels like an underdog with greater ambitions in mind than just the one boy. She’s impossible not to root for. Among bigger, more established acts and a slew of fame-ready talent show alumni, Estelle outshone everyone with ‘American Boy’, the best number one hit of 2008.

