What Nobody Tells You About Love
So I was involved in a conversation …well more like an argument about love being enough for a relationship. It was an argument that made me question all I thought I knew about love and relationships — Am I just too logical with the love thing? Am I not spiritual enough for love? Should I be more sensitive and receptive to the magical powers of love? Does being in love really require being stupid in love? Is love really enough to kick start a relationship?
Well I was once in love, I was once stupid in love and yes I loved sincerely… Today I’m single AF. Here’s what I think.
Love isn’t usually like it is in the soap operas. Yes! time may stop and butterflies may weirdly fly around somewhere inside your stomach and then you realize you’ve once again fallen in love with this special somebody. Now you are willing to jump in the ship the first chance you get. Why not? you are in love and by all means should enter into a relationship with the object of your love. Sigh…Love just isn’t enough. Being in love with a person isn’t enough to date him or her. Unless of course, you don’t intend for it to lead to marriage.
It takes more than just love to make a relationship work IMO. No matter how much you love someone, you could still end up drifting far apart from that person.
But how is it that love isn’t enough? Well I’m thinking people have developed a mentality where you find someone, you fall deeply in love and you live happily ever after. This is so not true. Love doesn’t conquer all, and on its own, it will not “conquer” all your relationship problems.
I am sure that by now you know that without communication, respect, support and trust,it doesn’t count; the depth of your love for someone — the connection will no longer work. Those four things added to love can make a totally awesome, happy relationship and without them, you could still experience a depressing and unhappy relationship.
Without communication, respect, support and trust, it doesn’t really matter how much you love a person because quickly that love will turn to resentment, and as soon as that occurs it is only a matter of time before the “butterfly” dies and all the magic of love is gone.
Realize that what your heart wants is not always good for your mind, body and soul.
Now and again love isn’t the all-encompassing guiding light and salvation of dating troubles. Soon, many people who preach “love conquers all” will realize that love is not an amazing enough motive to start a relationship, due to the fact that it takes your heart too long to realize what your brain figured out a long time ago: your lover may not be good for you, and it’s time to recognize it and keep it moving.
Let’s not get “overly spiritual” with the matter. Your very “born again” spirit doesn’t desire to be a couple. It is all part of your fleshly desires. Yes! God can play a role in your choice of a partner but then again the ultimate decision is made by you and you can choose wrong. Wisdom is profitable to direct! Relationships are not naira bet. You plan wisely for your future as a pair — If a fairly good future isn’t feasible, then pull out while you still can. Don’t waste both of your time and life because of an emotion.
It’s okay to follow your heart but please take your brain with you.
To the “love conquers all” crusader, you probably are angry at this post because you believe that people need to stick together throughout the good times and the bad, and valleys must be crossed in order to make it to the hills. I need you to absolutely keep in mind that I totally agree with you on that — except I agree within a single caveat to include this in that ideology:
You need spiritual, intellectual, emotional, social and bodily foundations. Intimacy on each of these levels is essential.
Too many people (even christian couples) are painfully getting to know too late that Love does not assure compatibility in the home or marriage bed. Just in case you are on the path to becoming one of these unhappy people, please don’t wait till matters hit rock bottom to fully grasp that lingering love isn’t always clairvoyance. It’s lack of understanding. Love as you know it, isn’t enough.
P.S: This was not intended to tell you how to choose a life partner. This was intended to show you a how not to choose a life partner….and If you still believe being in love is enough, then be prepared for the shock of your life when you witness how hunger, insecurities and uncertainties show up and love takes a hike.
Do you really want to wait for love to put food on your table, wait for love to pay your bills, wait for love to cater for your could be “sickler” child, wait for love to take care of all the things you were given a brain to deal with…after all God is Love right?
Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you can be happy with that person.
Peace!
