Used and abused.
It’s funny that those words rhyme.
It’s like a warning that one will lead to the other.
You take more and more until you’re smothered.
They keep coming back. You’ll never be fast enough to run.
But with every squeeze and pull a thread comes undone.
A little here. A little there. But then they are gone with the rising sun.
Maybe you don’t even realize it. Your brain hasn’t made the connections.
You blame yourself. You’ll make corrections
So that next time it doesn’t go too far.
Like an unwanted touch that sticks like tar.
You didn’t say yes, but you didn’t say no.
How can you answer a question that was never asked?
The intention and wrong doing is masked.
You wanted to kiss but you didn’t want to do that.
It happened so fast.
You didn’t say no, but you pushed his hand away.
And the third time you let it slide.
“He wont go that far.” but you can’t read his mind.
Lines blurred, boundaries crossed.
Everything feels so lost.
Do you even understand what happened?
Was he in the wrong? Did he not understand how you told him no?
“Be polite. Be gentle. Put on a show.”
Say the words. Say them!
“But you wanted to kiss him?”
“No one will believe you.”
“It was a misunderstanding.”
It doesn’t feel like a misunderstanding to you.
You shouldn’t be hiding or feeling ashamed.
Society will tell you to doubt yourself, but there is only one person to be blamed.
He didn’t ask with words.
So you said no with your body, but with his he said yes.
You can’t foresee an attack. He created this mess.
An apology means nothing.
He doesn’t even comprehend that what he did was wrong.
He asked if you were ok and you said “yes”
but that was only to one thing, not the rest.
When did yes to one thing become a free pass to a person’s body?
You are not an amusement park.
There is not all-access pass, and yet he approached like a shark.
Nothing is owed to him. Saying yes to a kiss does not mean you owe him a touch.
But that is beside the point!
You said no. You said no.
In your own way.
You said “easy there” and pushed his hand away.
“Thing happen fast in the moment”
What a joke!
You know how to slow things down? Ask before an advancement!
Just because you let him kiss you doesn’t mean he can slap your ass, scratch your leg, or stick his hand down your pants.
You were scarred, anxious. Your car keys beckoned.
“You should have said something”
How do you say something when what he does takes half a second?
I guess they were right. Things do happen fast.
It only takes half a second for a person to move past
You comfort zone left in the rearview mirror.
It does happen fast: sexual assult.
I guess that’s what he was counting on.
Because then he can blame it on
The moment and timing
But all he’s doing is lying.
You can still feel that unwanted advance.
You find yourself in a trance.
You don’t feel anything but still you cry.
Where his hands were leave a pressure that you try
but that aching pressure remains.
Like an acid that corrodes and stains.
By the end of this will there be anything left?
Your trust and comfort taken in a form of theft.
You can’t stand yourself. To be alone with your thoughts.
Everything you thought you knew starts to rot.
That selfish, son of a bitch.
“Oh, I got caught up in the moment”
There are words for people like him: manipulator, rapist, and sexual predator just to skim.
He acted like the good guy, he meant no harm.
Then why does he set off every red flag like an alarm?
He told you “Your hands on the wheel”
A lot of good that does after He’s already had his way with you.
None of his words were real!
He was covering his ass!
Like that bullshit would give him a free pass.
He is worthless.
Nothing to you but a passing shadow.
You will be ok. You have to believe this.