Part II: Love Song

I’m laughing because it’s true — I met him and G-Unit rang in my ears.

Like a love note from a Real G. I was shook.

I fell in love. There was no question in my heart about it — it was full and it made sense. My soul had met its match. I couldn’t believe it. Was it my time?

I look back and understand I wasn’t ready for it. I can’t say he was ready for me either. I was blinded by this deep connection I felt for him. It was not something I expected and my emotions ran wild. He was busy, I was busy. My impatience-turn-insecurity led me on a slippery slope of loosing myself, falling head first into a state of confusion with someone I barely knew.

But, the thing is, I felt something. It was within me — feeling myself in my skin while he spoke to me. It met me with this sense of knowing, I Am Me. He feels my presence and when he looks at me, I feel the intention. In that moment, he saw Me, all I could feel was Me. And there was nothing I could do. This wave of vulnerability washed over me, disarming me from the fear of falling, but leaving my heart unprotected. Open and exposed.

In some ways, it feels unfortunate of a memory to keep. (It could be the reason why I’m writing this now, perhaps, let’s call this an exposé of a once broken heart...) As life would have it, unrequited love began to reshape me. Rejection, redefined my sense of self, while teaching me new lessons of life, love, and true happiness. A real introspective opportunity to understand when to stick to my feelings, even the ones I don’t like. It was a struggle, a journey to find peace and salvation in the chaos of an open heart with too many feels.

I, sometimes, still hate the fact that I lost sight of what I really fell in love with. In ways it was him, who he was, and recognizing through him, all the things I realized I was looking for in a companion. Even in myself, if I’m honest. I admired him, I was inspired by him. This feeling made me want to be with him. But, what moved me and turned my world upside down was the mere fact that I had met someone that I wanted to love. My capacity for self(ish) love was lost as he became someone I deeply wanted. I will never forget the way He made my heart sing,

I wanna get to know you, I really wanna …. You, Baby.
One dose of your lovin’, I know it gon’ drive me, crazy,
I wanna be your lover, I wanna get to know You, Baby.
One dose of my lovin’, I know it gon’ drive you, crazy.

He was every bit hip hop and made my heart beat like a 90's R&B song. He hooked me with his words and his storytelling became my weakness. He made me feel vibrations in my heart that woke my soul. And while I wish he would have let me love him, in his absence I gave that love right back to me.

And with that love, I let him go and remember him always in my favorite love song.

G-Unit featuring Joe — “Wanna Get to Know You.”