Oh dear, I feel ya. I struggled with this f#cking will to understand for such a long time…and if I just had understand this simple thing (that I just need to accept, not understand) life could had been, well… not so terrible. Depression could had been not so terrible, not so debilitating, not so a lot of things. Thanks for your words, I hope more people can read and realize (or, for the ones that already realized, hope they can confirm again and again) the importance of accepting instead of understanding. Thanks again, wish you good luck with the fight — we all need it.