Life lately — for joy knows my name
POV: It’s been good days and good nights, and you are basking in the euphoria of it all
Dearest gentle readers,
It’s the 20th day in May 2024 and I am in this quiet cozy bookstore/workspace in the centre of Lagos, drinking zobo, eating the best puff puff I have ever eaten, taking in the smell of books, staring at my screen with endless deliverables and all I feel inside of me is peace. This has been my heart disposition, this feeling of calm regardless of however life chooses to life. I love it here
I do not think a lot has happened or changed significantly since I last wrote, but here goes a mini life update.
Guess who became a plant mum — Me. I have always known I would get a plant once I had my space. Asides from the fact that I like plants because I think they are beautiful and delicate, I also wanted them to satisfy a nostalgic craving.
As a child, my father, a lover of plants filled our front porch with plants of different sizes and shapes. Whenever he heard about a new specie from the gardener, he would get excited and buy it. He enjoyed potting them himself, putting in manure, watering them, watching them grow.
My sisters and I were responsible for the daily tending, and I hated it so much. I thought it was such a chore. I didn’t understand why he fancied those green things, but now I am older I get it. Over the weekend I got two of my own. I like that each time I see them I think of home, I think of good old times.
It’s been 3 months and a half since I moved into my space, and I love this little haven I am creating for myself. Setting up my home has been such an interesting (but expensive) process. Even though I may not feel it all the time, I know I am growing through it all, each time something goes wrong in the house, and I have to fix it myself or each time I have to make a spontaneous decision and I sort it out without flinching I realize this woman is growing and I am indeed proud of her.
Recently, I was led to make an unconventional decision and I needed a lot of encouragement, so I went on YouTube to find videos of people who had gone through similar experience and a particular video caught my attention, I watched it over and over again.
A few days after, I randomly came across a podcast where a lady talked about being in similar situation; on the same day, a friend who knew what I was going through sent me a newsletter of someone who was on the same journey; randomly scrolling on IG some days after, I saw a reel of someone with yet a similar experience.
These stories — a reminder that I am not alone, a reminder that God always sends us the words we need when we need them, a reminder not to hoard my own story but to share it, knowing it would help another through their own journey.
When you have no one else to lean on, you learn to lean on God. Being independent is not something I know how to do, going to God as my first resort is not something I know to do too, learning these two has been tough. But I like this bond that is formed from learning to turn to Him at every moment.
I sometimes feel like I do not really know what I am doing with my life, I do not have a 5-year plan, and this sometimes makes me feel worried. On those days I start to think about the passion God has laid in my heart and wonder if I am being delusional and wonder if it is big enough. But on those days, I try to remind myself that God can turn 5 loaves into food for 5000, that God can be trusted. So, in this season, I am learning to wholly lean on Him, to keep all my eggs in His basket.
I lost my favourite aunty; I randomly think about her several times a day and each time, my chest hurts.
I took out my tooth.
I was in pain, my mouth felt weird, I couldn’t chew, and I wondered if it would ever feel normal again. It’s been some weeks and I hardly remember what that period felt like, I hardly remember my mouth is missing a tooth. the tough phase passes, it always does, and when it does, you hardly remember what the pain felt like.
In recent times whenever I am asked how I am, I say God is good, or God is kind or God has been carrying me, whatever variation of this comes to my mind first.
Media I am Consuming:
Currently reading — Open water by Caleb Azumah
Currently watching — Still Just Us Girls
Currently listening to — I don’t have any song that has been on replay, but I listened to Knowing you by Minister GUC this morning, so that counts.
I hope May has been good to you so far, and if it hasn’t, I pray the rest of the month is the best of it.
let go of the rags
and mourning clothes
today you rejoice~ for joy knows your name
and has chosen
to dwell here
