March ’23: Maintaining Joy
There are some months that I am excited to write about, March was that kind of month. The first 2 months of 2023 hadn’t been the best, so I really hoped for March to be a good one and it was.
I turned 27 at the start of the month and it came with birthday blues, thoughts of where I am vs where I had hoped to be and all those yada yada yada, but I prayed for God to fill me with joy and gratitude regardless and He did just that.
I had a beautiful birthday weekend: a birthday dinner with a few friends on Friday night and spent the rest of the weekend at a hotel, resting and retreating, as is my birthday tradition. Happiness to me is good food, beautiful spaces, peace, spending time with God and the people I love and that weekend was all of that.
The week after saw me battling with old feelings that should have been left dead. Talk about the storm after the calm, lol and during that period I also struggled with my devotion, out of guilt. The longer I stayed away, the harder it was to get back until one Thursday afternoon, sitting on the couch in my sitting room, I had a conversation with myself “Ozioma what are you doing? Why are you watching yourself drown? You know you have the power to resist these feelings, right?” I talked to God, telling Him how I felt, asking Him to help me.
For the rest of March, my heart was at peace, peace that transcends circumstances. March was a month of maintaining joy, fighting for it, literally holding it by its neck on some days. Nothing on the outside has changed, things are still pretty much how they have been, but God kept my joy. He is teaching me that joy really isn’t dependent on circumstances.
I am learning that while it is okay to feel all the emotions, while it is okay to feel down on some days, dwelling and staying on it, is what I must fight against. I am learning to hold on to the good days, to store my happy memories in pockets of joy, and when the bad days come, to know that they too would pass.
March saw me being more consistent with my devotion. Those mornings spent with God were the highlights of my month. God’s love and presence calmed me. Like a blanket on a cold day, I literally felt His warmth. He was very present, speaking to me, saying the very things I needed to get through on some days, teaching me to Love like Him, teaching me His Word, teaching me to trust and to open up to Him more.
March saw me hoping and believing again, for the beautiful future God has predestined for me, I am learning to trust Him with my life, I really am.
March saw me learning to acknowledge and trust that little voice and inclination on my inside. You know the thing where you just know something is right or something isn’t, where something just suits perfectly or doesn’t, even if others think of it differently. I usually beat myself up, call myself too picky and compare myself with others — “If she is okay with this, why can’t I be?”.
But I am slowly learning to accept this part of myself. I am still yet to figure out if that inner feeling is the Holy Spirit talking to me. I am yet to fully come to a point where I can say for sure that I can differentiate between the voice of the Spirit and my own thoughts and desires. Sometimes it is clear, sometimes it isn’t.
I spent quality time with family in March, I went home for what was supposed to be a weekend visit but kept extending my stay. I really love it there; I love how they love me. I love how I can get to leave my worries and adulting at the door and get to be their baby again.
March saw me creating a lot of memories, I was intentional about taking random pictures and videos of myself, moments in my daily life, the people and things I love, the waist whining, funny faces and mirror boomerangs. You know what they say about romanticizing your life, I did that a lot in March.
I wrote a lot in March and shared the most too, finally back to sharing my writing on Instagram. This is a major win for me, knowing how much I overthought myself to stagnancy in the past months.
My March read was Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi (I really loved it) and A spell of Good things by Ayobami Adebayo (I am yet to go past the first chapter ; Ozioma 0, Procastination 10).
I got a rejection mail on the last day of the month but what did I say about not dwelling on negative emotions, so yeah.
In all, March was such a beautiful beautiful month.
For April, I pray for even more peace, that my joy is kept, my heart is at rest and I operate with so much clarity. To be consistent in the things I am to do and to keep at them even on the hard days, to lean in to hope, trust and run with the vision God has laid on my heart. To create memories, laugh, spend time with the people I love, write some more and share even more.
April is going to be a good month, I know it.
