On the topic of name

Coincidence or not, I have gone through so many different names I can’t possibly keep track of them all anymore.

We have the bad ones. I have made so many people in this world pissed off, disappointed, bored, devastated. Of course they call me names, but the one that hurts the most always come from the one we love the most; Hypocrite. It’s such a special word not because of how complex and nice it looks. It reminds me of how I actually look like towards people. I just happens to takes too much freedom with my words =] I’m sorry. I says things that I couldn’t do. I tell a different version of the truth (or just use ‘lie’, bitch) because I’m scared of people finding out the truth. You know what make me sad the most? It’s not when people are angry with me, it’s when they are hurt because of what I’ve done or what happened. Sometimes I couldn’t bear the truth myself; Thief. Ah the old memories, the ones I told myself to never mention, even to the closest ones. What can I say =] I was young. I was stupid. I wanted things and I didn’t know how to get them. I couldn’t tell anyone that I wanted a small Vaporeon, made by cheap Chinese plastic, to play with. I was scared to tell people what I want. Dad was strict, but I was a little shy bastard; Khùng, Điên, Dở Người. I actually like them, but I guess they didn’t mention those words in such a lighthearted way. I don’t mind, I’m just gonna collect them all.

But we have the good ones too. I made myself some really awesome shits and yet, the ones I treasure the most are the ones given to me. Teddy Bear Sunshine. It’s such a happy name. It probably won’t fit me anymore but there was a few time in my life when I truly felt happy. This reminds me of them; Cu Tí. It’s such a basic name. But it doesn’t felt the same if it’s not coming from the only one who really thinks of you like that. If I live long enough until my hair are all gray and my teeth have all gone, I would probably still feel like a kid listening to that. Hếu. Because it’s the only name in the world. Because of all the late afternoon we look at the sky while riding around and around. God I miss you so much.

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Someone used to told me that what I call her doesn’t matter. Even though I have forgotten the part where she explained why, I still felt like it’s the true way to look at names.

They are just triggers for the gate of your emotions. Some names brings you this feeling and that. Some names just floods you like a waterfall. Like an unstoppable force. Brings you down on your knee.

We will all be known of as many names. But the best ones sticks around.

And then there’s people like Jordan, like 2pac. For me though, since I have such a terrible memory, someday I’ll even forget my own name.

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