Sza’s Garden

Omphemetse
Sep 2, 2018 · 4 min read

Love and becoming.

I’ve been listening to this song since 2017, but it is only a few weeks agot that I actually heard the lyrics of this chorus. Like heard every line, and what she is actually saying and it brought some thoughts to mind.

Here is the chorus Sza’s Garden

Open your heart up
Hoping I’ll never find out that you’re anyone else
’Cause I love you just how you are
And hope you never find out who I really am
’Cause you’ll never love me, you’ll never love me
You’ll never love me but, I believe you when you say it like that
Oh, do you mean it when you say it like that?
Oh, I believe you when you say it like that
You must really love me

You know when you meet someone, and they are just the best thing to ever happen to you?! You have never been with a better human being or a better lover. They seem to embody everything you have ever wanted and dreamed of. Or at least they do at the beginning of your love affair. You want to spend all your time with them, and you do. They are the right person. They always just do the right thing. And oh darling, the sweet nothings they always whisper in your ear are always at just the right moment, the right mood.

Perfect.
A perfect human being.
A lover of your dreams.

You hold your breath. This person, your everything, is not right now who they are always going to be. The line “Hoping I’ll never find out that you’re anyone else”, i heard as “I hope you never ever change”, because I love you as you are.

Not only do I want you, my muse and lover of my dreams, to be perfect, I need you to stay in this constant state of perfection. You know, the perfection that I am perceiving.

So here is a task for you lover.
Always! Always ask me what it is that I need and want from you. My love for you has made me to be dependent on your being present in my life. So you are going to have to put in some work in being what I want you to be. This is the only way that I can love. I am not trying to change you. I am just asking you not to change on me. Stay perfect. That’s all.

Oh and by the way, the state of perfection that you must maintain must be aligned and constantly be realigning with my evolving ideas of perfection. That is why I sincerely ask you, my love, to always inquire as to what my needs and wants are with regard to who you should be to me and for me.

Evolve as I evolve.

Grow as I grow.


I am not the girl that you think I am. Who you believe and are constantly telling me I am is a woman who is a figment of your imagination. I have learnt to be that woman for you though,because, you know…I love you. I want you to be happy. So I will be who you need me to be so that you can be happy.

I tried to tell you from the beginning who I was. Who I really am. But you refused to listen to me. You told me you see this mesmerizing, enchanting woman. I mean, who do you think I am, a Disney princess? Well, I have become this Disney princess for you.

I hope you never find out who I really am though, for real. The real me is nothing you have seen, heard or could even imagine. The real me fits none of your descriptions of me. I am not the cool, sleek, charming, supposedly funny, supposedly lovable lover you have made me out to be.

But I am putting in the work to make sure that you never find this out of course. I have changed too much, given up too much of myself, forgotten too many people, bought too much furniture with you, for you to ever even think of leaving me. So if you ever suspect that I am anything than the woman you have formed in our image, DO NOT entertain such a thought.

I am the woman of your dreams.

I have become all that you ever wanted in a woman, in a lover.


Hoping I’ll never find out that you’re anyone else
’Cause I love you just how you are
And hope you never find out who I really am
’Cause you’ll never love me,

So here we are. Two people, projecting their expectations of a lover on each other.
This must be love.
’Cause I love you.
And you love me right?!

Omphemetse

Written by

On a journey…maybe. WRITER! General enthusiast. Spiritual. I want to just be! But the trap of needing money to be alive won't let me.

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