As life’s resident do-gooder and people-pleaser, guilt is an emotion that I am so very well acquainted with. — I battle with the guilt of not being there for all my friends, the guilt of not being the best daughter to my parents, the guilt of not always giving my daughter my full attention, the guilt of not being where I think I should be in life, the guilt…

Why count on such a bullshit? — It was from an excerpt from InStyle magazine, that I read where Cameron Diaz said: Marriage is certainly hard, and it’s a lot of work. You need somebody who’s willing to do the work with you, because there’s no 60–40 in marriage. It’s 50–50 period. All the time. READ: Skip…

The more common you are, the less valuable you are. — I grew up in a multi-culture, multi-language, multi-annoying country. On the one hand, it has been years since Nigeria gained independence from the colonizers and became one country. On the other hand, we still have not figured out how to co-exist happily. What we have figured out perfectly- is how…

Time to be honest. — It is the burning sensation of your vulva and ears being dragged on gravel- at intervals, throughout the night. Yup, that is my night- most nights. But I still answer, “fine” to the question — How was your night? Vulvodynia is pain in the vulva that can’t be explained by…

Only because you keep at it. — There she was- Roxanne Gay, teaching writing for social change. As a writer with many years of failure and rejections, I made watching every Masterclass on writing my mission. So when I came across Roxanne Gay’s Masterclass- Writing For Social Change, I did not click because I knew her; I…

Warning: Silent zone ahead! — When another person’s corpse is carried along the road, it looks like a bundle of firewood to bystanders. Igbo proverb. Condolence visits are a thing in West Africa. If someone dies, neighbours, friends, relatives, colleagues, and even enemies, pay their respects to the bereaved family. …

This isn’t the time to ‘feel’ some type of way. — If you ask me what my biggest relationship mistake is, I will tell you it wasn’t just enabling my own abuse. It was, going into a business relationship with a romantic partner — where I took their word for it, rather than have a signed agreement that protected me. My…

Dissecting the clues that break your heart. — “Delete our love messages” This was the message that was open on my partner’s phone when he gave it to me to talk with a friend. I completed my call but by then, the app had locked the messages so I could not place it in further context. “What was…

How far will you go to accept yourself? — In the beginning, I hated my name. I am African and my first name is — Adaobi. The second name — is Okwy. While ‘Adaobi’ is very popular for firstborn daughters in my tribe, the kids at school were appalled that I had no English name. I remember that in…