Living like a Local in Amsterdam

(1) Bikes

Firstly and most importantly, in order to fit in here, you 100% need a bike. I lasted 2 days without one and I racked up a total of 55,000 steps on my Fitbit, fuck that walk every day. The reason I need a bike is because a lot of the places I have been going to are outside of the city centre in the different neighbourhoods, as is the apartment I’ve been staying in. Biking is easy though once you get the hang of who gives way when etc and as long as you stick to the right hand side of the road and cycle with the cars, its the best transport. Drunk cycling however is a completely other story, which I have learned the hard way. Long story short, watch the tram lines as your wheels will be victim to them.

Be careful when buying a bike as you can be ripped off or sold a dodgy one really easily. Junkies steal bikes and try sell you them for €10 on the red light district and then ‘bike stalls’ at the market often sell ones with flat tyres etc, so not worth the risk. I was really lucky and managed to buy one off a girl who was moving back home, through the Facebook marketplace pages, so I would recommend them. Also, if you are a short-arse like me, you will need to make sure you get either a child’s or a really small one as Dutch people are pretty tall and therefore all the ‘regular’ bikes here are massive.

(2) Local Food

I didn’t even realise there was a ‘dutch cuisine’ as such, but there are certainly foods that are essential to try whilst being out here..

• First of all, bitterballens which are the best drunken munch ever. I still don’t know what is inside these fried ball things but they are insane. Only thing comparable is a ball of fried haggis but then they are served with some amazing dip and they are legit, the best drunk/hungover munch there is out here. All local pubs will sell them, so they are a must on a Sunday afternoon.
• Secondly, dutch pancakes are amazing. They literally come in so many varieties from sweet to savoury and are sold in pancake houses in and outside of the city. I tried my first one in a traditional wee Dutch neighbourhood which I’ll come on to later and its now my go to food to think about when I am hungry and torturing myself.

• Thirdly, if you love peanut butter, then Amsterdam is the place to be. There is peanut flavour everything. The most amazing peanut butter ice cream is sold in a shop just off Dam Square, called ‘Ola’s Happiness’ which is extremely coincidental and fitting as that ice cream makes me extremely happy. My name is also the name of the major ice cream brand out here which is ideal. Also, Dutch people love to cover everything in Sate sauce which is great.
• Also, CHEESE. There is cheese everywhere and in every flavour. When you are walking around town, there are sooo many cheese shops who give soo many free samples and you don’t even need to make awkward conversation to get them, they encourage you to take them. Also the cheese shop just off Dam Square is now run by a group of guys from Springburn, so you get great chat in there.

(3) Dutch Language

There is zero need to learn Dutch before coming out here as they don’t even speak regular dutch, its more ‘casual’ dutch, and you will look like a posh prick using all of the official phrases. I used the Duolingo app before coming out here and I’ve genuinely picked up more dutch from going to a kickboxing class and having a large Asian man scream 1–10 at me in Dutch. You are best just picking up the phrases as you go along as you can guess a lot of them.

(4) Alcohol

The drinking culture is different here from Glasgow:

• First of all, there are no drink promotions or happy hours here as they are seen to make the bars look cheap. Therefore if you are more of a spirit drinker, like myself, be prepared to go into debt (1 vodka cost me €8.50). Instead, Amsterdam is full of local beers, main one being Jupiler, and thats what all the locals drink.

• Secondly, people here don’t seem to drink to get drunk, its much more casual and people seem to have the ability to just ‘have a couple’ and leave it there, a prospect I am unfamiliar with. I have had to learn how to ‘nurse’ a drink out here to drink at a normal pace so that I am not on the floor hours before everybody else.

(5) Weather

So, I have actually been extremely lucky with the weather coming over in July as it has been roasting (25–32 degrees) most days, which is apparently very unusual for Amsterdam. When it is sunny, it is great fun here as it is the perfect weather for hiring a wee boat and having BBQs in local parks etc as everyone is doing it, oh and it is legal to drink outdoors yass.

What I have learned about the weather here though is that when it does rain, it fucking pours. There is no half-hearted Scottish drizzle, only full on tropical rainforest rain which no clothing can challenge. There is literally no point even trying to stay dry as it is a losing battle, especially if you are cycling. Additionally, whilst I have only been here for 3 weeks so far, it appears that it is a given that this down pour will most definitely happen on a Tuesday.

(6) Waterside Bars/Beaches

One thing that you need to do here is check out the local waterside bars, especially Hannekes Boom and Waterkant. Even on rainy days, these bars have covered terraces and they are great. They sell cheap beer and often have really good live music and pub quizzes etc. These bars are much more chilled than the ones you’ll find in the district etc and are full of locals.

Another thing that is a must here is the ‘urban beaches’. This is a concept I had never heard of until coming here and only learned about after being here for a couple of weeks. Its basically artificial beaches just outside the city. They go all out though with deck chairs, volleyball courts, beach parties etc and people often swim in the surrounding canal which definitely seemed like a great idea when I was steaming. Also, you often need to ‘know a guy’ who is friends with someones cousin who is hosting the party or something to be invited to some of these organised parties, so just try be an all round sound guy and the party will find you.

(7) Best way to see Amsterdam

There are two completely under-rated spots to go to view the whole of Amsterdam, which one I stumbled across and the other, I was told about from a stoned guy called Kevin at a market who gave me a ‘secret map’.

• First of all, I would definitely recommend going onto the rooftop of the Nemo Science Centre. You don’t even need to go through the science centre, you can just climb up to it, therefore its completely free and the views are unreal. There is a cafe at the top and a lot of people also take their own carry out and just chill up there when its sunny.

• Secondly, the top floor of the library down by central station also has amazing views of the North of the city. Also yes, this is where Kevin recommended, he likes to ‘chill’ up there and read ‘viking studies’.