Hanging on to let go

Hanging on can be hard, so I must say that you should never hang on without a plan.

Picture that shows a mural of fresh flowers held in place by masking tapes on which were written “hope”, “peace”, “care” and “live”. Picture is by Disha Sheta on Pexels

Have you ever felt stuck?

Sometimes we feel like we need to move from where we are currently in life. It could be in our businesses/careers, life decisions or current realities. This is currently my situation and that’s probably why I’m writing this.

Anyways, I digress.

Recently, my mood has been low and I’ve been very stressed out. I’ve not been as stressed as I am currently for a while. I’m both mentally and physically stressed especially with work. I made a tweet about during the last weekend.

Around 5:30 pm today, while on the backseat of a speeding motorcycle, I had a lot of ideas on what to write, and how to write my ideas tonight but I could not settle on one. My mind was trying to shuffle to pick the one that would best explain how I feel or maybe motivate my reader. But my mental fatigue is caused by things that I may not be able to talk about now till December or early in January 2023. Till then, I will wait while consciously trying to pivot my life: career, business, hobbies, to actually be in my happy place.Someone I kind of dated once told me to be about my goal daily. They told me that my activities everyday must push me a little closer to my goal, and it’s high time I took their words seriously.

I feel like my writing today will be a lot disjointed. Forgive me. I am not really writing for you tonight. I do not really care about writing “correctly” or “perfectly” tonight. Maybe tomorrow I’ll care about tenses, punctuations and grammar. I am writing for me. I am writing to vent. I am writing to escape from this choking reality. This is the only place where I can write in my own style and truly write whatever I want. And it hurts me that I still can’t find a way to explain this caveat in my chest even when it hurts me physically and leaves a lump at the back of my throat and leaves the back of my eyeballs itchy and pressured.

Again, you will have to forgive me, I digress.

Even in this unraveling, I am highly optimistic. I spoke with my brother yesterday about this issue that is slowly eating up my insides. He simply told me that it will make me stronger. I truly thought about it through his lens and realised that my current phase is like the baking of pottery. He told me that it will shape me and be a catalyst for me to reach my goals.

Hanging on can be hard, so I must say that you should never hang on without a plan.

So, as you’re hanging on, I challenge you to work harder to let go in the backstage. I want you to hang on with a purpose. I want you to understand that you’re “hanging on” to “let go”. It must be worth it.

Looking forward, I see so many beautiful things to come. I see many happy days. I see myself doing what I truly love. I see myself living my dream. I see myself smiling, happy, and joyful. Only if I can hold on. While it is good to know when to let go, I know that I have to hang on this time, while I work on the sideline.

“Yet a little while, my love”, I tell myself every time I feel my heart tug.

(PS- I am not depressed or suicidal in any way. Thank you.)