She was right there…

I met her through a personals site. She was Thai and had not been in this country long. No, she was not perfect or a perky little, young thing; she was almost my age, but that was fine.

We have little in common: I have children, she does not. I was married 30 years, she has been divorced that long. I speak no Thai and she speaks broken English. But we have so much to say, so much to experience and teach each other. I love her smile and the way she laughs at my stupid jokes, her curiosity and her compassion, while I am not really certain what she sees in me, but does that really matter?

Can one fall in love this quickly, I wonder to myself? We spent a couple of long days together, some short ones, talked via text every night and discussed our hopes and dreams, our possibilities with one another.

Then she decided somehow that we were too close and moving too fast and she needs to be away for awhile and evaluate things. See, she is religious and is afraid of how and what she feels about me. I miss her more than I can remember missing anyone in a long, long time, but I hardly know her.

My heart aches, my mind is numb and I look at my phone many times a day, looking for her text, a word, a phrase… have I lost again?