100 MOVIES IN A YEAR: #18 Burnt

Now, you may think this is crazy, but Chef is one of my favorite movies; it is so pure, and so gentle, and gets me so horny for Cuban sandwiches (which I can’t eat anymore because I quit eating pork; fuckin’ hell.) It is a movie with a clear idea of all of its characters, its tone, and the journey its characters are to be going on. I think it’s hurt by a brief, final scene that finally pushes the movie over the line into schmaltz territory. It also, shockingly, has an incredibly good grasp of how Twitter and social media work (or at least worked during the time that movie was made.)
Burnt sucks. I hate Burnt. Burnt is insanely unpleasant in an uncompelling way, and Bradley Cooper is completely unaware of the fact that his character is an enormous piece of shit, and eating with his kitchen staff at the end of the movie doesn’t change that. It makes no sense for he and Sienna Miller to be a couple (JUST HAVE HIM BE HER MENTOR/TEACHER), and the subplot with the fucking drug dealers that he owes money to is resolved by his ex-girlfriend just paying them off? Man, how dramatic. I at no point gave a fuck about his quest for a third Michelin star, and the shit with his rival was maybe the most masturbatory shit in the entire movie. “Why did you take care of me.” “You’re better than all of us; we need something to strive for.” Fuck off. I’m so tired of these fawning portraits of angry, abusive men; this movie can suck the shit out of my asshole.
