Ole Tangerine Man and Planet AMAZING
A children’s book about a flaming orange bully
Planet AMAZING is TREMENDOUS!
most would agree.
But something’s happening here
that’s been bugging me.
Atop the hill stands Ole Tangerine Man,
with small hands, squinty eyes,
and this mystery hair. . . .
He shouts and barks like a brute
in gibberish jibber-jabber —
indeed, for a fruit.
More like a bowl of chili, he is,
or a heap of red curry.
However ya spin it,
he’s one flaming orange bully!
See, he was given the crown
to match his fancy briefcase.
Call him Captain AMAAAAZING,
the new boss of this place.
we got fooled.
We got seriously duped.
He’s the one stirring up
this pot of chaos soup.
And what is this devious recipe?
It’s made with secrets and peas;
thick with stinky, old cheese!
He stirs and he mixes,
bragging, “I’m better, more clever, the BEST!!!”
all the while puffing out his gold-dusted chest.
AMAZING, now split down the middle
like a big football field —
on one side, you’ll find
Tangerine and his mates.
On the other?
Those that don’t think he’s so great.
Like that big field,
his words divide you and me —
pitting one plum against the other
and flicking Olive from his tree.
Now The Leeks are not welcome,
nor is Peanut Butter nor Beet.
If not a common fruit,
you’re deemed too bitter or sweet;
too fresh or offbeat
(according to him,
in his warped little bubble).
But AMAZING is amazing,
and there’s plenty of room
for all tastes, shades, and shapes,
be it Marmalade or Mushroom.
But wait, look a little closer.
Inside Ole Tangerine Man,
hey, what do you see?
Just a scared little seed only wishing to be
bigly praised and admired
by everyone — even me.
When called out or questioned,
what does he do?
He starts spitting out lies and laughing at you!
Placing blame and pointing his finger,
he’ll call you a phony; a fake!
(Name-calling is his favorite of traits.)
He shames those that don’t flatter
nor bow down to his “greatness,”
like the fizzing and popping Miss Ginger Beer.
He turns others against her —
drags her name through the muck —
with a sly, smirking sneer,
I had to ask, “Hey, what’s your beef?”
He never quite answers but looks to his chief.
Behind Ole Tangerine Man,
hey, what do you see?
Someone pushing his buttons
who seems sneaky to me!
“Oh my! It’s Banana,
lurking and leering in his sweaty bandana!”
While Ole Tangerine Man wants only to be
Mr. King of the Hill,
Banana, you see,
perhaps pulls the strings
of that flaming orange bully.
Just a puppet, he is,
but with the loudest of barks,
and a crew FULL of bullies
like circling sharks.
So, what is there to do
when a bully bullies you?
You call out that bully! You call that bully out!
Others will hear you, support you, and join you, no doubt.
Stand up for yourself! Stand as TALL as can be!
Protect one another — ask the bees, they’ll agree!
Will you quit or back down, Ole Tangerine Man?
“No, I can’t bear to lose! I must always win!”
So AMAZING, it’s time:
either we sink or we swim!
More than swim, you can SOAR . . .
higher and higher than ever before!
Like a sea of fierce dragons,
we’ll fly across the vast meadows.
We don’t need to breathe fire —
instead, we spray rainbows!
We are stronger together.
We will take back his crown,
every last one of us, from Buttermilk to Pie Town!
And others will hear us, support us, and join us.
So jump to it!
Let’s do this —
If we don’t come together,
his tone will get darker.
The green mold will spread and his mess is sure to grow.
This isn’t the guy we want running the show!
So let’s toss him out to the peaches
for a timeout to think
and turn for the better.
Until then, Ole Tangerine Man,
don’t expect a fan letter.
At the end of the day,
we feel sorry for you,
with no real friends — only foes —
and constant hullabaloo.
So you spew words that hurt
and you throw stones
in your big white house,
all alone . . .
with only your TV
to keep you company.
Now, more than ever, we must remember:
AMAZING is TREMENDOUS!
Some would even say STUPENDOUS.
Bullies don’t win here,
Ole Tangerine Man —
you can’t eat us for breakfast!
So please . . .
stop with this frenzy and fuss.
Quit stomping! Don’t shout!
you better watch out —
I’m coming for you . . .
with buckets of love for this land;
from farm, fridge, and fruit stand,
all foods here united,
marching hand in hand.
AMAZING, you DESERVE better!!!
Written by Carol Steuri.
Crowd-funding this children’s book. Help make it a reality and preorder a copy! If funded, donating 20% of funds raised to a nonprofit inspiring women and girls to run for elected office in the U.S. That’s all the profit folks.