Harsh truths for lovers in peril.

photo source: pexels

S.O.S. He’s butchering my heart!

Dear Julie,

Recently I’ve adopted a STRICT no pork diet and I couldn’t be happier! My husband on the other hand, is going though the five stages of grief.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very lucky to have a hubby willing to change his lifestyle for me. But he betrayed me. I came home early from work dying for the loo — raced to the bathroom and I found him eating a TRAY FULL OF EXTRA CRISPY BACON on the toilet!

I wish I were kidding. God knows if it was a number two…


Movie pitches inspired by random thrift store photos

BOYS IN BLUE

Prom night 1983. A lonely teen befriends a magical lizard. Together they become a crime fighting duo out to find the boys missing father before the lizard’s enchantment wears off.

Keith clutching his new lizard friend, Langford

SOGGY GRAPES

A frail, yet narcissistic senior citizen discovers a bone-chilling secret. Her new lover is a member of the CIA. His mission? Slice her neck in two.


Misunderstanding via email

To: Katie Livingston.

7:05 AM.

Subject: Treasure For Two $

Hi ya neighbor,

My birth name is Lewis Gem Carter and my grandmother, Holly Carter, is resting peacefully next to your grandfather Karl Livingston. What are the chances! I’d love to swap stories about my Holly and your Karl.

Was he a loyal husband? Did he take his coffee black or with thick cream? Are they lovers underground? I’ve had vivid, nasty dreams of a muddy fornication that brought tears to my eyes. Please don’t share that. Allow me to explain myself. …

Olga Elliot

Bart Simpson at heart. I was an exceptional prank caller in middle school. * I still am

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