So I got there. And then I shut myself up in my dorm room for two solid months. “How”, I wondered, “could these people be so nice? So kind and gentle and true with one another? Ah. Surely it’s just an even more desperate game, an even more furious kind of passive aggression.” That was all I was used to. I had never been able to share my pain where I grew up. All the aching, deep down in my bones, of being a strange, fragile, broken little boy, so different and so unknowable. And I didn’t know then that that is what we all are, too, just an ache deep down in our bones, of littleness, of impossibility, of the stars and the dust which we are made of, only we do not ever really ask anyone else to see it, including us. We are busy hiding.
In a battle between the moral and the immoral, the immoral will always win because they have no qualms about not abiding by the rules. Whereas those of us who imagine ourselves as moral gladly die at the immorals’ hands because we think better glories await us in some other, unseen realm. We, the moral, are terrible at memory. We never remember who created these rules and for what purpose. The immoral created morality so that we would accept their abuse and never even dream of retaliation. Like any drug white/cisgender/ heterosexual people have ever given us, we get high on this notion that forgiving them after they slaughter our grandparents in churches, obliterate our siblings in the streets, and mangle our children in playgrounds makes us better people than they.
I chose the word “reclaiming” in a sober manner. I find it strong, conclusive, and truthful. It is strong: because fighting the issue at hand is one battle of power, a power that been deprived. In this sense, we are not –and should not- claim our rights from the position of the weak, the vulnerable. We “reclaim” something we had; we know who took it, how, and why. Reclaiming entitle “ownership” over the issue, we are the sole owners of ourselves. It is conclusive: because the issue at hand is not one crystal-clear and yet we are far from having consensus about. However, by being conclusive, we are being “precise” that the battlefront is clear for us and we are in the right side of this battle. It is truthful: because true is the ultimate illusion. We still suffer from a colonized reality, colonized version of history, present, and future, projected by the colonial and neocolonial realities.Therefore, we need to be present our own true and we have every right to do so. That’s why “reclaiming” is truthful, because it represent the reality of the colonial pillage not only over our resources but even worst, our own identities.