Playing it cool
For too long I’ve been playing it cool
Because love and hate burn so hot
They make people do unforgivable things
And I didn’t want to be like them
So I lied and told them it didn’t hurt
And they thought I must be some kind of saint
The way I was able to hold my pain and anger in
After all they had done
So they only came to me for forgiveness
And I faked it for them
For too long I thought those moments when
The mask slipped, and I showed emotion,
Were failures. So I'd retreat and vow to do better
Next time, so next time she would stay.
But no relationship was just right;
They were always either too cold,
Or terrifyingly hot. And I didn't understand why.
For too long I thought it was enough
To feel intensely, alone in my room; it's not enough;
Feelings are things to be shared
And then you came along, and the feelings
Pounded on the wall of my chest
And the words clamored to get out
Of my choked up throat, and tell you
All the good things, like:
I'm so glad it was you, and
I love you, and
I want to help you scrape the popcorn texture
Off your ceilings.
And also the fears, like:
I'm trash and how could I ever imagine you could love me, and
Love isn't for broken, motherless boys.
But now I'm done playing it cool.
I may be too much for some. I'm a lot.
And I may scare others away every time
I open the door to my heart, at least until the
Hinges go silent with overuse
And the doors falls off.
So please, help me open this door
Again and again, and don't ever ask me
To hold it in, when I want to tell you,
Again and again, that I'm scared,
And I love you, that I love you, oh how I love you
I love you, I love you…
