Imagining Hamlet: In Text Messages

An experiment in literary corruption

by Anonymous

Act I

Scene I. LOL-is-snore. Out front.

Bernardo: yo

Francisco: who dat?

Bernardo: Hammy’s kewl. lulz

Francisco: lol who dat? I dont have your numba. Ah you hotz? lol

Bernardo: its bernie

Francisco: hi adding you. Why you sneakin?

Bernardo: Goin to bed soon? lol

Francisco: hellz yeah freezing my balls. something funny in the air too…

Bernardo: something weird?

Francisco: nope

Bernardo: lol seen Horatio and Marky? Tell them i’m waiting for there slow asses

Francisco: lol i see them comin, i think

Enter Horatio and Marcellus

Horatio: sup

Marcellus: sup homes

Francisco: bout time lol

Marcellus: headin out, bro lol? leavin annybuddyz

Francisco: Bernie lol deuces

All: peace

Francisco exits

Marcellus: yo bernie lol

Bernardo: sup you gott Horatio with you lol

Horatio: dude i feel weird tonigh …… lulz

Bernardo: sup

Marcellus: so…..im gonna ask…like…so you know that thing…lol.?

Bernardo: dont even ask bro lol

Marcellus: Horatios says were punkin lol i told him cum see himself :/

Horatio: you been punk’d lulz

Marcellus: yul c………;/

Horatio: wut do you think bernie lulz

Bernardo: dude I saw it last night…..it wuz creepypast last nite srsly…….u dont even know dude….

Enter ghost

Marcellus: shit dude shut up!!!!! its hear!!!

Bernardo: dood looks like Hammie lol (old hammie not young hammie lol)

Marcellus: ur stil in skool h lol maybe u can use long wurds on it

Bernardo: dood reely looks like Hammie….old hammie i meen lol

Horatio: duz sorta lulz…..weird…:(

Bernardo: gonna talk to it? lol :(

Marcellus: yah dude

Horatio: sup ghost dude? Sorta look like hammie lulz i mean old hammie…….sup…we are waiting…

Marcellus: what to go, dickweed

Bernardo: hes leaving lol dont go ghost hammie dude (i men old hammi)

Exit Ghost

Marcellus: ghost dood totaly snubed us homes lol

Bernardo: horatio looks like shit….do u believe is now…lol

Horatio: shit dude…….lulz had to see it to believe it…

Marcellus: looked like hammi(old hammie) am i rite?

Horatio: u no it lulz i saw him wearing that once, u no….bak b4…:(

Marcellus: we saw him couple times before

Horatio: weird as f*ck homes……lulz…

Marcellus: its weird that were out here lol why did someone tell us to like sit up and freeze our balls off all the time and shit lol its bisy back home…

Horatio: ill tell you lol member hammie(old hammie) member jhe like got in a fight iwht the Fortinbras (sp?) dude…..member hammie killed fortinbras (lolnotlol) and hammie got all his shit..lol….fort dude started some shit after that…or he tried lol. so were here jus to make sure he doesnt start any shit lulz

Bernado: makes sense…so why old hammie keep showin up lol

Horatio: *shrugs* its weird lulz :(…..do you here somthing?

Re-enter Ghost

Horatio: yo ghost dude…..sup lol

Cock crows

Horatio: u no wuts goin on? lol mite help us if you did lulz

Marcellus: *draws level ten halberd* bweare my steel ghost dude!!!!! lol

Horatio: nerd lulz

Bernardo: dudes its over here

Horatio: stfu i found it

Marcellus: both yall punkin

Exit Ghost

Marcellus: thats pointed lol

Bernardo: it lookd reddy to say something lol

Horatio: somthin startled it lol rooster mite hav

Marcellus: ghosts go to bed in the mornin? lol

Horatio: sure….lulz… dudes im goin to talk to hammie (not old hammie young hanmmie) lol maybe hell have better luck

Marcellus: its worth a shot….lol…;-)

Exeunt