Patience is Un-American!
Hey you, over there, sitting quietly and causing nobody any trouble.
Yeah, you with the hair. I’m talking at you! Yeah! Put down the beans! Hey! Pay attention…
Listen!…
You’re doing it wrong. You with all your calm waiting and non-confrontation. Stop sitting-the-fuck around! What do you think you are? Some sort of European? Move! Do something violent! Now! Before you turn into one of those people — you know the ones — they CALL them adults, but you know what they say about them.
Sensationalize something now! Do it before the gestapo come — wherever they are — or you might get kicked out of the club! Club America. It’s where the smiles are made of teeth and the pies have a pie in every pot — you can rearrange those words depending on where you live. Sensationalize something or suffer the ultimate punishment: be labeled. And you know what happens to labeled people, right? They turn up in Canada — Canada! — under an assumed face and turn out to be somebody else entirely. Sensationalize something! Preferably a nap that went too long and nobody knew where you were or an opinion that nobody shares. It doesn’t matter! Just scream it where you can interrupt people’s breakfast, or else you will have no proof that you are alive.
What are you doing waiting around! Interrobang? What, do you think that bigotry and ignorance will vent itself? There might be a hundred million people already polluting the air with unreasonable shouting, but that’s not the point! The point is that you are being unpatriotic, sitting there, being quiet, and failing to join in the out-of-tune screamo-metal concert that passes for political conversation.
You’re not a real American! Not unless everyone can hear you and become angry about what you’re saying from a hundred paces. Not that anyone will hear you over themselves. But who needs to hear each other anymore? That’s why we have apps!
What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Reading? Trying to educate yourself? Stop that now! What is this? facts, and history, and evidence about what you’re talking about? Knowledge? Knowledge! You are ruining everyone else’s life with your “knowledge.”
Stop messing up everything, you with your quiet questions and calm input. You are ruining America for the rest of us.
Still sitting there? Still being timid and patient? Why are you waving your finger back at me, you ungrateful thing. Do you know how many buffaloes we had to kill to make space for that chair? Do you know how many blankets we had to give up for that whole small pox maneuver? We had to suffer the cold! Do you know anything about the cold? You don’t, do you? Stop miming everything I’m saying, you weirdo with your overlong hair and your black clothes and…
Oh, I’m talking to myself.
Hmm…this is awkward…
