How I wish I were

I wish I were a cloud. A puffy-fluffy-blue cleared-colored cloud up in the sky, where the Sun would caress me with its rays. I would live happy over there, see the humans, observe their daily life, their problems and try to make it less rain when they feel sad.

No. Scratch that. I wish I were..the Sun itself. I would raise every morning, bringing with me a new beginning and then end the day with a spectacular sunset that lovers would watch amazed as they fall in love with each other.

Or even better than that — the horizon. That mythical place that separates the Earth from the Sky, where every human soul wishes they would go to. I wish I were..infinite.

But life doesn’t go that way, does it? Someone once said to me that when she was little she wanted to be a ballerina, a medic and a mathematician — 3 in 1. She did not know that when she would grow up she would have to chose one only one path. She thought she would be anything she ever wanted. There were infinite choices and as long as she wasn’t choosing, everything was possible, every scenario, life was most likely to happen. Then she grew up and she understood that all those jobs do not go hand in hand and she cannot live a thousand lives in one — she can only be one person. And that’s when she started watching movies and reading books — by doing that she found a way to be, at least for some time, someone else. She would read a book with such thirst and at the end she was always sad to part ways with her characters but she knew that another life was waiting on the shelf, ready to be explored.

I wish I were the morning coffee that you drink so slowly, sipping me and feeling how your body is becoming more and more alert with every sip you take. Not too strong, not too sweet, not too hot, with a smell that tickles your brain when you sense it. I would keep you awake and you would come back to me every time you needed a drop of inspiration.

Or even better, a bird that can fly freely on the open sky. I would fly around the world and see everything that you can possible imagine. Then, I would come back to you and tell you all my adventures. You would listen to me, look at me with your wonderful eyes and show me that amazing smile that makes me melt as you would slowly lose yourself in my words and I would lose myself in your eyes, in you.

Love is a funny thing. Most often than not, when we are young, we go full-in — no regrets because we know that we do not have anything to lose. As we grow up, we become more risk averse and the search of the new and unfamiliar becomes less appealing to us. We prefer to stay home, not to fall in love with someone because they might hurt us, we do not put ourselves out anymore because even our self-esteem has decreased. And then we wake up one morning and we do not recognize ourselves anymore. Love is such a huge part in our process, in our lives — I am not talking only about our soulmates love but also the love of our parents, close friends, family.

We lose ourselves somewhere, along the road of growing up, in between the innocence and the solitude. No one ever understood how lonely it actually is to be a kid.

…and I was there. Talking. Telling you my story. I don’t know why but I wanted to share with you every single thought from my mind. And you were listening to me, looking straight at me, not moving your focus. I never felt so exposed, so undressed of words, memories. And I loved it. I loved every single moment of it.

I wish I were a million and one things but in the end I just wish I were yours.

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