I definitely feel for you. This is quite a horrible situation for any parent to be thrust into.
However, I want to write a note regarding your use of the word ‘thug’. You note, correctly, that it is a racially-charged term, yet decide to use it anyways. That is not acceptable. Clearly, you are both great writers, even more so with the entire internet at your disposal. You can find a better word to use that does not perpetuate gross systemic racism. Especially, the clear racial juxtaposition of you, as an Alexandria-based family, vs inhabitants of the city of Baltimore. I understand that you have suffered a great loss. But that is no excuse to use a word that you acknowledge has a racial weight.