Navigating His Red Room

Olivia Baumgart
Aug 29, 2017 · 3 min read

I made this chart, because there were rules to be followed in our relationship. And because Michael and I’s relationship is different from any other relationship, the rules I have to follow inflict a lot of pain on me. That should go without saying, I’m a masochist and he’s a sadist. We are the dominant and submissive components of a BSDM symbiotic relationship.

Our families are scared but more and more people are coming out with their own unique and adorable romantic twists on bsdm that it’s starting to look more vogue and main stream and here to stay. I stopped writing for a while because I can’t stop wondering …. what it’ll be like for our kids you know? But…. here goes

This is a list of BSDM equipment I have come up with so far, that in my mind, depict best, what kind of restraint Michael is using on me mentally (his mental red room of pain) when he orders me to obey certain rules. Note that I feel most restrained when we cannot cuddle. This rule is usually implemented after we make love, when a woman most wants to cuddle. It is the rawest form of sadism, after being penetrated full force and letting the love of your life inside of you, he won’t hold you afterwards. As a woman, I am always left so vulnerable, but my masochistic tendencies allows me to experience that pain and turn it into pleasure. This satisfies my dominant. In our own way, we are sharing intimacy. It’s …. kind of weird. And yes I DESIRE to be held after being made love to. The thing is, women have grown up knowing that guys are just devoid of any emotions and things like that usually lead to the guys saying

“Ok, well I gotta go,

or you can’t stay the night

or oh no this is getting so close”.

It kind of just fit like pieces of a puzzle. Instinctively I know a man wants different things, they don’t want to snuggle after making love, so I just innately choose not to even ask. He’s intuitive of my pain….. I am receptive of him inflicting it on me. We inadvertently have this insane chemistry as a result of it, he’s turned on by my masochism and I his sadism. But if you think about it, women and men have been like that forever………. guys have run away from any sign of intimacy so women concocted ways to thwart that or …. accept it. I didn’t know if this was my way or just a sign of the times.

I also made one for all the other feelings I feel. I made a palette, with certain colors representing special moments that we share. It was reminiscent of the movie Secretary with Maggie Gyllenhaal when she is listening to that casette tape, lecturing about, being able to enjoy life only when you experience all colors of the spectrum, pain and pleasure.

In more ways than one, our relationship is very much like a normal relationship.

I brainstormed this piece, while my beat up Toyota followed the sky blue smart car of my best friend, a gift from her dominant. The cold as ever “Antartica” while the song Latch played on the radio….

and I just couldn’t help wondering what the future had in store for all of us….

-Suzanne Bronhill

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Olivia Baumgart

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Some of this is fiction, some of it’s not mine, some of it’s true some of it will be obviously rough drafts. Welcome to my Medium ❤

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