“Exhaustion is Not The New Chic”
As of lately, I have felt like I am running on E in the middle of the woods, without a gas station in sight.
I constantly strive to do more. We all do. I strive to not only be a daughter, but be the BEST daughter. I strive to be the BEST big sister to my two beautiful brothers. I strive to not only help my friends with their grad school homework but give guy advice on demand & plan celebrations on a whim. As an eternal student, I am studying for the LSAT & GRE. I strive to not only “pass” but to exceed. As a young professional, I strive to prove to my boss that yes, I can handle another assignment on my desk. I volunteer in my community but think to myself, am I doing enough? How can I do more? My mind never stops.
But guys. I’m tired. Are you guys tired?
We live in a time where more is better. Exhaustion is cool. Whoever is “doing the most” is winning. And I’m falling fall behind. Or so I feel.
I’ve always been over-involved. You could call it a commitment issue. An overcommitment issue. I’m almost 100% positive that this all began in Kindergarten at Sewell School. A teacher asked for a volunteer to help lead the class and my hand shot up.
It’s been like that ever since. I don’t understand how to say no when it comes to others asking for my help.
I truly can’t remember the last time I was present. The last time my phone was down. The last time I wasn’t freaking out about responding to a work email, or sending a guy a Snapchat instantly back. My brain is fogged. Do you know how scary that is?
My mom says it best: “Olivia. Stop. Breathe. Take more time for yourself.”
But that’s just it. I can’t.
“Here’s something cool though. You don’t have to be anything MORE than you are right now. In fact, you don’t have to be anything different than you are right now. Everyone’s telling us how to get more, do more, be more. How much time do we spend trying to be more put together, more organized, thinner, prettier, calmer, better. The world we live in has bred in us, a need to be MORE. And then, grace swoops right in there. Right in the middle of our stressed out, overwhelmed mess, and says “You know what. You’re great. You are good enough. Right where you are right now. Put down the mirror. Stop organizing your desktop. Quit mindlessly scrolling on your phone checking up on everyone else. Take a breathe. You’re good. You are worthy. You are exactly who I hope you’d be right now. In a world where we’re all constantly striving to be more? Be less.” — Emily Ley
Just know, that you are enough. In this exactly moment, I am choosing to believe that I’m doing the BEST that I can at this time.
Tuesday starts a fresh month and I’m choosing to focus on the good. More self-care, advocating on behalf of myself & being a little selfish with my heart. Disconnecting, focusing on the “little moments”, and breathing.
Easier said than done, am I right?
PS: Shonda Rhimes gave this TED Talk that truly hits home for me. Worth the 18 minutes.
PSS: I wrote this on an airplane while I was midasleep so sorry for typos!