Even the transgender community generally acknowledge that one is born male or female. Maybe they don’t identify as such but when born we have either female biology and are treated as such or we are born with male biology and are treated as such. Those body parts dictate how I was treated as a child and now as an adult so do not pretend that this is untrue. If you refuse to even accept this, then you are refusing to acknowledge science and the hundreds of research that supports that women and men are treated differently and until old enough to demand to change genders, we are treated in a way based on the genitals we were born with.
It is also entirely true, that trans people, are few and represent a very small minority and while I would never ever say the word freak, to pretend that they are not the outlier would be absurd. Guess who else have been called freaks? Conjoined twins, people born with tails, and people born with other rare medical occurrences. The world could never be expected to pretend these cases are not the average case, the norm.
You are right words are hateful, and I feel very very strongly protective of my language because my biology has lead to me being treated like a walking flesh-light whos only value lies in how fuckable I am by many men. My language ensures I am able to speak up for myself. For someone who was not originally born with the genitals that lead me to this treatment, to hijack the language I use is extremely infuriating and leaves me questioning whether they care whatsoever that they are damaging to my ability to speak for myself.
Trans women and trans men, feel like they were born wrong. They identify with a body they did not have. But that is not my fault nor is it anyones. But to pretend their is no difference between “her” and me is insulting. It is not insulting to say trans as a way to differentiate between us because if she was a woman, she would not have ever needed a word to describe her need to transition. She would have just been a woman and been treated as such like I was. I would never purport to say I am a black woman, or asian woman. And it is not insulting to say black woman when we are discussing the difference in how I am treated and how a black woman is treated. Because identifying each other as white or black ensures we know who is the one with the experience being born as such led to. A black woman can speak about being a black woman. I cannot. A trans woman can speak about being a trans woman I cannot. And I can speak about being a woman, a trans woman cannot.
Acknowledging our differences to ensure that when we speak we recognize who gets to speak about what is not consider hateful or bigotry or it wasn’t until trans woman decided to co opt womanhood for themselves and bully any woman who disagreed into silence. Trans womanhood is different than womanhood. And demanding that the vast majority of women now label themselves as cis, so that trans women can just say woman, is so incredibly insensitive to realities of what women go through on a daily basis. If a trans woman was truly for all intensive purposes, a woman, then she would be far more understanding of women’s standpoints. Instead, they rip away our language, invade our spaces, and label us with slurs if we speak up for ourselves. The trans community with their need to be more important, more heard, and have their bodies completely accepted into womens space, are acting far less like women, and far more like men in this matter. It is men who hijack our conversations, and force us to see their penises without consent. How funny it is that trans women demand the right to do the same, and thus adapt truly male behavior, when the word man, is what they run from.